Twenty-three and still growing...

As a graduate student taking Developmental Psychology, I learn about people from their infancy stage until they reach their late adulthood. Biologically, we all grow old each year, each day, each hour... It's inevitable that we grow older in time.

A lot of people have been afraid of growing old. Maybe because growing old leads to other health complications or maybe because we link it to inescapable death (which can actually strike at any point in our lives) or maybe because it leads to "looking old" which others dread so much. But I think that what we should actually fear is not growing old. I think more than that, we should be fearful of not growing up.

We might have different views about growing up. I think, as most things, growing up exists in a continuum with two extreme ends. There's Peter Pan who will always remain the boy who never grows up. And then there are others who are too serious in life who consider themselves all grown-up for being square about everything. For me, those who can balance enjoying life and still be matured enough to face the responsibilities that life holds for them are those who have truly grown. As always, it is a matter of balancing. And I for one, have to keep on telling myself that.

Even if I'm 23 now, there's a child in me that keeps on coming out. I don't consider myself all grown-up... maybe because I still haven't truly balanced everything in my life. I still have my own questions about where I want to be, who I am, and how I can contribute something to society in my lifetime.

But I think that we all grow up, in one way or another... maybe not in the same pace as to how we grow old. Sometimes we grow up slowly but other times, we experience "growth spurts" as well. If biology and time make us grow old, I think our experiences and our reactions to them are what make us grow up. It is no wonder that we could be stagnant for a year and even grow so much more in just a month or sometimes even a weekend.

I guess this is why I love experiencing new things. Discovering life's beauty is a way of growing up along with discovering pain and fear. I don't have a perfect life but I have a happy one. :) I'm not all grown-up but I think I'm on my way there... smelling the flowers (even if I'm scared of them) and jumping over thorns... enjoying the sunshine in the morning and basking in the moonlight at night.

Life is all good. :)


Adventures in Lalalaaand

I started my blog before summer began and emailed Joey Alarilla for Inq7 YOU's Blog Addict a month and a half after. It could be seen here . Upon reading it now (a little more than a month after) I realized that I've somehow grown again. And if I were to answer the same questions all over again now, my answers would be a bit different.

I'd still describe myself as a dance enthusiast who loves trying out new things but the rest would be shorter and more concise: I can be sweet and tough at the same time. I'm really friendly even if I was born shy. I'm just happy with life no matter how many "no's" I've heard. And I treasure my family, my friends, and Franco so much that I think I've already written about my life's 3 Fs thrice. ;) And the best times I've ever had while blogging were the times I wrote about all of them. I write as my life keeps unfolding into a bigger and wider world.

Now that summer is almost over, I think I'll always be a traveler at heart. I am coming back to school in a few weeks and I'll be continuing our Psych research in a few days but I'll always have this little girl in me, in awe with life and the world.

Click Refresh! :)

Hi guys! Kindly click the "Refresh"button so you could see my blog's new look minus the white lady (black lady, whatever! :p)

I wanted to write about my "guilty pleasures" but I changed my mind at the last minute. I decided to disclose all my quirks instead. (well actually not all... just some of them).

My QuiRkS

DISCLAIMER: They are in random order.

1. I LOVE chocolates and I LOVE ice cream but I am not fond of chocolate flavored ice cream.

2. Back in high school, I used to dip my fries in vanilla ice cream. I like their contrast. Hot and cold. Salty and sweet. But since I am no longer fond of French fries, I just do it with baked pretzels. :p Try it!

3. I do eat baby food. Cerelac to be exact. --> this one got me in trouble with the GamePlan huddle back when we were trying out to be the next hosts. I received a comment that I was too pa-cute. It's all right. :) We all have different opinions. I still think Cerelac tastes good. You know they could actually make an ad about it... It's so good, even adults can't resist it. ;-)

4. I love chocolates and I eat peanuts but I don't like peanuts in my chocolate bar. And of all the chocolates with some kind of nuts in them (i.e. Snicker's, Ferrero, Kisses with almonds, choco macadamia, etc), the only one I like (including the nuts) is Cloud 9. :) For the rest, I remove the nuts and give them to Padawan (our pet rabbit) while eating the chocolate plain.

5. I dream every night and remember them when I wake up.

6. I used to sleepwalk.

7. I can finish a meal in 5 minutes. Ok maybe 10. I know it's bad but I've been used to rushing myself that I think I'm now accustomed to "fast eating".

8. I drive better when I'm alone.

9. I like fast things (fast driving, fast movements, fast-paced films) but I enjoy taking my time.

10. I still wake up early even when I sleep late.

11. I think Coco's right. I'm having my second childhood with all the things I'm trying out now. And I love it.

12. I remember little details and people's words, even the trivial things (or most especially the trivial ones). I can say the same about my early memories. I could describe my nursery classroom confidently and back then, I was just 3. (I know that in Psych we are taught that memories get reconstructed but I still believe that I have memories of my happy childhood.)

13. I was born extremely shy. During my preschool years, I backed out of performances on the day itself and seldom spoke in class.

14. I blog in my head while driving.

15. I used to hate vegetables when I was a kid to the point that while having a summer vacation in my lola's house, I had to finish my soup of patola before sunrise. Now, I appreciate eating veggies.

16. I used to imagine myself dancing back when I was a little girl. Now that I'm doing it, I still remember imagining myself dance as a little girl on that particular stage.

17. I have this nagging feeling that if I keep on doing what I'm doing now, my skin will eventually turn black. But I'm curious of what would happen if that happens.

18. I like drinking my water at the end of my meal. In fact, I can eat a full meal without drinking and still feel comfortable with it. (of course I have to drink water in between meals).

19. I follow my mood when I dress up. Sometimes I feel like being sporty. Sometimes I want to be super laidback and just wear tsinelas. Sometimes I like the corporate look even if I don't see myself entering the corporate world ever. Maybe it's because my mom was against Barbie dolls when I was a little girl. She didn't like the idea that we were playing with blue-eyed and blond-haired dolls when we could play with other things so I learned to just dress myself up ;-)

20. I grew up in Lego-land. Castles, houses, beaches, spaceships, and railways made out of Lego. Now, I'm putting up my Lalalaaand. It's made up of pictures and words.

21. I have a beatened up pinky toenail and hide it with a pedicure. (I cannot believe that I am disclosing this).

22. I'm a weird birthmark-girl. I actually have one on my scalp and feel connected with it to the point that I could pinpoint where it is, right here right now, without blinking.

23. I'm still scared of monstrous flowers.


And since I'm still 23 years old at the moment, I choose to end my list here. ;-) I'll just add another one next summer. Besides, I think I've proved myself weird enough. :p

Me and my quirks. Bow. :)

Lala the Grateful

I've been thinking of everything that I'm thankful for during these past days. People. Things. Places. And I decided to write about them in my blog...

Two Tuesdays ago, I found myself sitting in Jo’s dining room with Aenid and Coco. Jo's our dear friend who came home from Canada to visit us for three weeks. We listened to her stories, shared ours, and realized how much has happened to all of us in a year. Jo has been through a lot for the past year and I am just happy that she is truly happy now. We all missed her and we were all thankful that she came home.

Here's one of the photos that we took.

But we weren't really all just seriously talking that night. Is that even possible? We goofed around with Jo's nephew, Enzo. Although it was only Enzo who could pull that "Cute look with his tongue", we tried. :p Mine was the "Inaantok look with my tongue".

And then come Wednesday, I was supposed to have dinner with Tita Irene, Cess, and Kenneth. We wanted to have my post birthday dinner but we've been having difficulties fixing our schedules that we still haven't gotten together. Cess' sister was about to give birth that night so we rescheduled the dinner again. And what I am actually thankful for is the healthy baby girl born that evening :) Aww...

Then last Thursday night, I attended my first "formal" zipping lessons in Bel Air 3. The very first lesson I attended was during the Levi's Freedom Camp last April 1 where I learned from the Mastah Zippers. But it was last Thursday that I joined the actual classes of Paulino.

Coincidentally, GMA 7's Kay Susan Tayo planned on featuring the class. So before having the actual class from Paulino, the PlanetZips team was also present for the shoot and interview. And I learned new zip moves from one of my blog mentors, Cat. Before personally meeting Cat, I've actually heard so much about her from Paolo and when I finally did meet her in Levi’s Freedom Camp, Paolo's stories came into life. Cat is truly a warm and positive person. :)

Back to our zipping lessons, I had a bit of difficulty learning the "weave" but Cat was patient enough to teach me. She checked how I did it, praised the correct things I've been doing, and pointed out what I still had to learn. When I finally did the "weave", I couldn't help but exclaim "Cat! I'm doing it! I'm doing it!" like a little kid discovering something for the first time. To Cat, thank you so much for everything! For all the encouragement and inspiring words, thank you. :)

Then there's Coco, my partner-in-crime for the past month :p Coco's taking her summer break from med school so we've been trying out new things together for the past weeks. It started with wakeboarding in Lago de Oro then zipping that night. I tried to teach Coco how to zip when we went to Calatagan but I only knew the basics so I only taught her a few things. We then both decided to attend real lessons (originally with Aenid). We got two zipping lessons in one night! Yay! Coco learned the basics right away. She's a natural zipper!

Sarah, one of my most treasured friends since grade school, arrived shortly after the crew of GMA 7 left because she had a shoot for a print ad. We were actually wearing the same pair of pants that night although in two very different styles. ;-)

Sarah also attended Paulino's class and the three of us all learned parts of Module 1. By the time we were finished with class, it was almost midnight. And I was so hungry by then because I think we've been zipping from around 8:30pm? I ate an early dinner at around 5:30 pm but apparently that wasn't enough for my stomach :p

I was more sleepy and tired than hungry so we all went home right after. That was when I realized that someone stole something from my car. Upon entering our village, the guard (who was incidentally new) asked where I was going so I politely said my address and he politely asked me to get the 2006 car pass sticker. I've always had our village car sticker beside the Ateneo sticker so I was shocked to see only its sticker mark left on the windshield. I guess I'm thankful that whoever did it only took my car sticker and nothing else. (This has other implications however so the incident needed reporting).

But aside from that stolen car sticker, I had a great night!

me with my bottles of water and the PlanetZips team playing with fire :p

Coco and Sarah, my dear friends who have such beautiful spirits :)

The next night, the three of us together with other adventurers left for San Juan surf resort in La Union. There were 15 of us, half of which haven't tried surfing yet, including me!

So I learned how to surf for the first time! Whooohoo! but this isn't me. I wish! :p

I'm one of the first-timers, just happy to stand for the first time. Zoom in! I swear I'm smiling!

My instructor, Peps, was patient enough to teach me twice. Jericho, Sarah’s instructor also lent me his skimboard in exchange for basic zipping lessons ;p. Then we saw college schoolmates who were also there before they headed for Pagudpud. Lani, our batchmate was part of the flag football team and their quarterback, Ziggy was there too so they taught us how to catch and throw. Lani, Ziggy, and Pong: Thanks guys for teaching me the post, flag, in, and out. :-) And for letting me try to play flag football for the first time!

These are the ladies I was with. My sister, Ling. My "official date", Ada. My angel, Sarah. Our new friend, Mia. My partner-in-summer-crime, Coco. Our beautiful blockmate,Tish.

To Mia, Chickoy, Coco, John B, Sarah, Rocky, Ada, Raffy, Rally, Mike, Tisha, Matoy, Marco, and my sister, Ling, YOU GUYS ROCK!!! ;-) (Franco joined the group picture! I was talking to him over the phone :p)

After all these surfing, zipping, frisbee-ing, and football-ing, I am now as dark as dark could be. I don't think I've reached my peak yet coz I've been oh-so-blessed with melanin. Let's see how far I could get with this... For more pics, click here.

For some indoor stuff... Kindly visit my friend’s blog! :) I've always been thankful for all the tips and help that I received when I started with my blog so I was more than happy to pass the "blogging spirit" on to someone. Since she’s a sorority sis of my sister then I guess we’re kinda sisters too ;-) Check out Doralicious.

And to cap off my week, we had "ladies' night in" again in Mayen's place. :p I'll post the pics next time. :) Enjoy the coming weekend, everyone!

Modista

I was supposed to write about my past week and how grateful I am for all the people I've met and all the activities I've done... BUT I decided to post it later on when I have the pictures to support my story.

Tonight, I decided to write about a person who I have not yet met. Her name is Lanie.

Ate Monica, my older sister who is now an intern in U.P. PGH, used to have her uniforms made in Lanie's home. My youngest sister, Ling, accompanied her back then and said that they went to a place so vivid that even the most forgetful person would remember it.

Today, my other younger sister, Nikki, went there with her friend, Frances, to have their med school uniforms made too. They're about to enter the wonderful world of U.P. Med, which I would never ever get to experience except vicariously through my parents and siblings. I used to tease them that it was probably similar to entering Hogwarts. :p A culture and world totally different from mine. I am a bloody mudblood.

Going back to Lanie's home, I couldn't help but think that perhaps my parallelism wasn't that far at all. With the way my sisters described the place to me, it was as if they were shopping for school supplies just like the way characters of Harry Potter do.

Along Salas street in Manila, an apartment stands. Inside the apartment is a long corridor. At the end of that corridor and under a staircase is a door. And behind that door is where Lanie lives with her sewing machine.

Lanie would take measurements and sew uniforms inside that small room. For most of us, it would seem like a cupboard or a shoe closet but for Lanie, it IS home. That is where she lives, where she works, where she earns a living.

I wonder how many more medical students would have to have their uniforms done before Lanie would be able to move out from her little room and be able to live somewhere else? Or maybe she wants to stay there, her comfort zone. Or maybe even if she tried to make all their uniforms, it still wouldn't be enough for her to move out. The labor for each uniform costs P450. How many uniforms can one person make in a day? How much does one person need for a day of survival? Especially during hard times like ours now.

One of the perks of studying in our state university is the expected low tuition fee. However, I heard that for Batch 2011 of U.P. Med, the tuition fee would increase from P12,000 to P20,000. Although far from the usual P80,000 tuition fees of medical schools, P20,000 is still a far cry from the present P12,000. To my parents who used to pay P700 during their time, P20,000 was alarming.

In case the students have to pay higher tuition fees, would they sacrifice other expenses like let's say their uniforms? And wouldn't that make modistas like Lanie work doubly as hard as they do now in searching for clients and opportunities to earn? In extreme cases but still highly plausible, what about the others who would not be able to afford the increase, would they quit medical school altogether? Expenses in medical school do not stop in tuition fees. There are uniforms, books, and other medical apparatus to worry about. Just like in Lanie's case, expenses do not stop in the materials for making the uniforms. They keep coming in, making "earning a living" become more difficult than it already is.

I will not be surprised if students rallied against the tuition fee increase. There is a reason why they are called Iskolar ng Bayan. I believe they earned the rights of real scholars when UP accepted them in the program. And I will not be surprised if laborers rallied against other price increases. I believe they earned the rights of real "living" the moment they were born.

FWEGS

I found time today to change my blog's banner. Even if I have two unfinished papers, I decided to make time for my blog.

WHY?

It's all in the title :)

To my dearest Fwegs... See how influential you are? You convinced one of the most stubborn persons in the world to fix her (blog) world ;)

Click "Refresh" :) LOVE IT!

Because of that, you earn a post title (in all caps) from me... the first one ever in my toddler blog. :p haha!

Pedicab

On our way to Budyong of the Sta. Fe resorts in Bantayan Island, we rode a ferry and hailed a PEDICAB! :)

That's Ling, me, and Sas squeezing ourselves in Kuya Dondon's pedicab. (I just have this knack of asking people's names during my travels and remembering them afterwards.) Ling & Sas shared the seat under the small roof while I sat on a "roofless" seat. It was not a comfortable position nor was it safe. But then again, I sat on a jeepney's rooftop and on a boat's katig last January in Palawan. And I survived :p This was easy-peasy.

That's me holding the camera and still smiling!

We asked Kuya Dondon if we were too heavy. Aside from us three, we also had our big bags. But I guess he was used to the load.

On our way home, we hailed his pedicab again. I even volunteered to do the "padyak" for a discount :p But Kuya Dondon didn't entrust his pedicab with me. I couldn't blame him. He didn't know I was a champion pedicab driver!

I practiced the skill back in high school...

Death, Life, and my Ladies...

My brother asked me earlier if I was dying anytime soon coz of my new banner for this blog*. It sounds stronger in Filipino... "mamamatay ka na ba?"

He said I looked scary. I guess the picture does look like a dark white lady (if there's anything like that). Then, he asked me if I could put something else like a picture of myself smiling, which according to him would represent the real me. But I didn't put a smiling face there precisely because I smile most of the time and I wanted something different. A fallen angel. Besides, I'm just too lazy to change it again.

I'll probably change it one of these days. But not tonight. Tonight, I just want to share about my day. :)

Jo, our high school friend (and not the same Jo from the post I made the other day), came home from Canada. And today we tried to squeeze ourselves in her tight schedule so we visited her in her house :) Aenid, Coco, and I (the ones with light scheds) went to Jo's place this afternoon and spent time catching up with each other. It was a well-spent afternoon in their house. Jo was still tired (and jet-lagged!) plus she got the colds coz of temperature changes so we left early and let her rest for the night.

Looking back now, I am amazed at how far we've all gone. And I'm not talking about the miles. I couldn't believe that we've all grown so much in just a year.

Coco would be a junior intern starting June. Aenid is leaving at the end of the month and would be getting married next year. Aww. And Jo would go back to her happy life in Canada by June and just visit us here every once in a while. (Of course she'll be home for Aenid's wedding :p) And to all the other ladies who weren't with us (you know who you are :p), we did talk about you and said that we were happy to see all of us so happy and grown up at this point in our lives :)

I know that I've already written about this. But I just want to write about it again. To those who don't want sentimental stuff, you can skip this part :)

These were the same girls I used to play patintero with. The same girls I shared ghost stories with under the acacia trees in gradeschool. The same ladies I laughed and cried with in high school. The same ladies I poured my heart to in college. And yes, the women in my life, aside from my sisters and mom, who I am certain will be there with me through thick and thin (despite all the distance).

Again, to all my ladies: Our sleepovers and conversations over coffee, tea, water, and chimichanggas will perhaps lessen throughout the succeeding years but I think that we've all learned "object permanence" by now ;) No matter how infrequent our complete get-togethers in the future may become, I know we'll still be here/there/wherever for each other. :)

WELCOME HOME, JO :) not-so-far-away HUGS!!! Get well soon & see you next week :)

And to my Kuya, hmm... Don't worry, I'm still thinking of wonderful years ahead. Just ignore my "scary" picture. ;)



Aenid, Jo, me, and Coco.

*NOTE [written on May 19, 2006]: The "scary" banner that I was pertaining to has already been deleted. But you could refer to the dark white lady in my entry entitled "A Little Twin Star". Is it really scary? I didn't think it was :p

a little twin star

A lot of little girls want to be princesses.
But I've always wanted to be something else...

Bits and pieces

With my friend's advice, I added another feature in my toddler blog: a world map. But don't mind it. Let it sit there at the bottom of the page and be another sign of my bored blogging moments. ;)

* * *

It's still damp outside. I'm just sitting cozily at home, wearing my pajamas, and enjoying the sudden cold weather in our supposedly hot summer.

I'm trying to finish one of my works but I'm having a difficult time staying awake so I decided to take my nth break from typing... Queer, I'm taking a break from typing to type something else.

Since I am not in the mood to tell any stories about my new adventure or lack of it (I'm supposed to be in Pagudpud by now but Caloy/Kaloy came into the picture...), I will simply look back at the fast-paced week that I had and share tidbits about some of the wonderful people I met.

First, there was Jo Pilar who I met in my college blockmate's surprise party in Capone's last Tuesday night. Jo's the same age as my Ate Monica but she probably had twice all the adventures I've ever had in my entire life (which is just 2 years less than hers). She lived in Madrid on her own for four months, produced a show for DOT, lived on her own, got her short story published out of the blue, and is about to enter law school in Rockwell this June. When I asked her why she went to Spain, she said it was because she wanted to master their language. :p And I would never forget the story she told me about her friend who decided to stay in the mountains and paint. Talking to Jo made me feel as if I went on an adventure while sitting and drinking on a plushed sofa.

Second, there was the only STOTT Pilates Instructor Trainer in the Philippines and the first in Asia, Vivian Zapanta. Strong and fit for her age, which I would not divulge here, she showed me that nothing is impossible! She could be so candid and animated when telling stories yet so disciplined when it came to talking about her craft and showing us the advanced and accurate Pilates positions. I could not yet write much here but I'll update everyone once the article on STOTT Pilates gets released this June.

And the last one was the Grade 1 teacher I observed sometime within the week. I wasn't able to catch her name but she showed the highest degree of patience that I've ever witnessed in a person. Put a teacher in a classroom with around 14 kids, separated by three groups, and each group having different activities. I was amazed at how she changed their specialized activities every so often. In a few words, I would describe her as patient, prepared, and most importantly, playful. Regarding her age, I could only approximate it because those who teach young kids seem to remain young throughout their life. (Yes! I remain to be 22 coz I taught preschool for a year :p)

They are all achievers in their own fields, no matter how varied they are.
An adventurer who never plans.
A fitness guru who is guided by her personal plans and adapts to changes along the way.
A teacher who makes plans all the time.

And in each one of them, I found bits and pieces of my past and present self. And if there's anything found in them that I wish to have for the years to come... it's having the zest for life!

Everyone, whatever it is that you decide to do, remember to enjoy and love what you're doing. :) It's never too late to do the things that we love. Whatever age. Whatever period of our lives.

No wonder one of my favorite brands had this line for so long...

Just do it!



Carmie's surprise party












Pic 1: With some of my college blockmates...presenting the Block Y better known as Org Y ;)
Pic 2: Carmie the bday celebrant and Pons the planner. :)



Desserts and Us
To cap my blog entry, here's one of the many photos we took within this beautiful week. Wednesday night with Coco and Aenid. I treated them out to Meza, a restaurant in Sct. de Guia near Tomas Morato, where I received a couple of GCs for hosting during their media launch last Monday (May 8). We would have been with the other girls if they didn't have work and Mayen too if only I texted her using her new number (My mistake! I owe you partner!)

After trying their paella and lengua, we ordered their apple & cinnamon crepe. Hmm... My friends and I just love desserts :) Those white swirls are actually sugar. They sort of reminded us of cotton candy. (actually it kinda reminds me now of my white hair, :p)

Apple&cinnamon crepe topped with vanilla ice cream and light cotton candy ;)

Rain Rain Go Away

I just wanted to write in my blog and document this moment. Then head back to my unfinished work.

I was supposed to leave for Pagudpud tonight. Super excited, I finished transcribing my observations for my first training session. I recently joined Dr. Carlota's research team in UP which started this week and would last until the end of November. But I wanted to keep all my previous summer schedules intact so multi-tasking was the key. (Love the pressure!)

The deadline for submission of our first observation is still on Monday but if I were to leave, I wouldn't be able to email my part, so I tried to finish it right away. It had been raining the whole day and I was hoping that the storm wouldn't affect us. Then, little by little I heard updates about its movement... from Samar to Bicol, moving towards the Northwest... (and Pagudpud IS in the Northwest area of the Philippines!)

But we could still hope for an unpredictable turn, right?

Then, Meg's Tita confirmed that the storm would be in Ilocos by Sunday. And when we learned that, I slowed down with typing my second observation

...until I stopped altogether.

I am now here at home, typing again on my laptop with around 11 windows open before me. I thought I wouldn't have the time to blog but here I am now, with plenty of time in my hands. :)

*Goodbye, Pagudpud. See you when I see you.*

As the famous line goes: Whenever a door closes, a window opens. So tomorrow, I'll be spending the night with more of our benchmates. And instead of a short stay in Pagudpud, we are now planning a longer stay once we get to fix the final schedule this summer... :)

Cancellations and postponements are natural parts of life. We all have to deal with them. And they're not necessarily sad all the time.

Keep safe and dry, everyone!

Xs:
Please, please, please, can the rain go away for all the weekends of May? Let the rain come in July when it used to... ;)

Harriet and Lala... the Spies.

Inspired by the main character in my old children's book, Harriet the Spy, I grew up observing people and writing in my notebooks... and now, my blog :p

For those who haven't read the book yet, it's about an 11-year-old girl who writes about everyone she sees... the boy with the purple socks, Ol' Golly who is her lifelong nanny, her friends -- Sport and Janie, the man with hundreds of cats, the fat lady who does nothing but eat chocolates on her bed and speak on the phone, her enemy number one in school, and many others in her life who she encounters everyday in school or simply pry on in their private homes.

Note: All these are based on my memory and I am leaving room for mistakes especially in the spelling of some of the characters' names...

Going back, Harriet writes everything in her "Private" notebook which she carries with her whenever it's time to "spy" on people -- which is most of the time. And the reason why she does all these is because she wants to KNOW EVERYTHING.

I find Harriet ambitious. When I say ambitious, I use it as a positive description. Ambitions actually drive people towards their goal. And because of that, ambitious people are people who know what they want and do their best to reach their goals. But I guess we often place negative connotations to it especially in the Philippines when we hear the word in Filipino and how it is often used in old Tagalog movies...

Scene: Poor girl and rich girl fighting over a man. Rich girls says "Hindi ka niya mamahalin nang tulad ko. Isa ka lang ambisosya! Sampid ka lang, hampas-lupa!" ...

In Harriet's case, I am using the word ambitious in a positive light. Harriet is 11 years old. She knows what she wants -- from simple everyday stuff to her lifelong goals. Everyday, she likes to put tomatoes and mayonnaise in her sandwich. Someday, she wants to be a writer and to know everything.

Sometimes I remember Harriet out of the blue and dream that a part of me could be like her -- driven, always purposeful, and directed towards a single goal. She knows what she wants at the age of 11. My dreams all seem to be afloat right now. And I am 23. Take note: I said sometimes.

In the latter part of the story, Harriet's "Private" notebook turns "Public". Because most of the things she writes are harsh and critical, the lack of privacy for her "Private" notebook results to chaos. (Think: Simon Cowell trapped in an 11-year-old's body -- honest and brutal. If people chant "booh" to Simon for honestly criticizing the Americal Idol contestants, imagine people's reaction to Harriet for honestly criticizing them.)

I don't remember all the other specific changes at the end of the story but I do remember one of the relevant lessons in the story... that EVERYTHING CHANGES. Even Harriet's constant companion, her nanny, had to leave for Harriet to learn independence.

Harriet knows herself real well to the point of being too stubborn. Case in point, 24/7 her sandwiches had to be just tomatoes and mayonnaise. No pickles. No ham. No ketchup. Nothing else but tomatoes and mayonnaise. At first glance, she does know what she wants and what she doesn't want. And logically, she thinks she already knows who she is.

But then again, there is that possibility (and a more likely one) that Harriet doesn't truly know who she is. She thinks she does but she actually doesn't. Atleast not yet. She's actually scared that if she changed some of her daily habits, she would have changed as a person as well. What she does not yet know or perhaps think about is that she's beyond the label she has given herself. Her sandwiches don't define her. Her daily routines as a spy don't define her. Philosophy would tell us that she cannot be defined, at least not completely. And at the age of 11, that is something she has yet to discover among many things.

Such is life. It's beautiful because we keep on uncovering things each step of the way.

I guess we don't always get to learn everything we need to know in Kindergarten. Sometimes we learn from children's books too. I did.

Be ambitious. Dream, believe, and do. And always embrace changes.

Now, as for Lala the Spy... I am currently being trained as one.

No, actually, I'm training as an observer for a research project in Psychology... but the other one sounds more exciting ;-)

Besides, we basically do the same thing: inconspicuous observations.

MAY 22, 2006
Today, I finished the movie version of Harriet the Spy and would have to correct myself about the characters and some points in the storyline. The "big fat lady" I mentioned before who only stayed on her bed wasn't fat at all. She was thin and old who lived an unhealthy lifestyle on her bed. In the end of the story, she finally stood up and began to exercise.

Harriet, after being ostracized for writing down the harsh truth in her notebook, began to take revenge. But after hurting the others back, she didn't feel any better. Her parents confiscated her "Private notebook" but later learned that as parents, they would have to try to understand their children and accept things that their children love (as long as these aren't harmful).

Harriet saw Ol' Golly again when she visited. And learned that truth is beauty and beauty is truth... but sometimes a little "lying" is needed. Although there was a truth in that, the best lesson in the entire story was when Harriet learned to truly look and see beyond first impressions. By finding other angles, she saw and understood truth.

In the end of the story, Harriet fulfilled her dream as a writer and became the editor of their class paper by asserting her opinion. Because I'm such a cornball, I found myself teary-eyed watching the movie. And maybe because I found another part of myself in her. Thus, after Harriet did her retraction, I began mine. :-)

Buried in Books

Yesterday, I spent the afternoon in a bookstore while Franco attended stuff for work after his eye operation. My patched-eye workaholic.

I was with Ling the entire time. We were reading books about lies and hilarious kababawan. The most enjoyable light-read ever. Presenting... novels written by Sophie Kinsella.

Don't get me wrong. I am not making fun of her. I truly enjoy reading her works. I actually have copies of the Shopaholic series (#2, 3, & 4) except the first one (the famous Confessions of a Shopaholic) which I borrowed from Coco before and Ling read yesterday. Now, I added Can You Keep a Secret? in the collection and am still thinking of buying a copy of The Undomestic Goddess.

Shallowness and wit. One of the most relaxing combinations in a book, which by the way are very effective in making people laugh.

First, because they don't make you think much. Sometimes after all the stress from everything else, you just want to relax and laugh out loud.

And second, because inside each one of us, a Sophie Kinsella character resides, even a teeny weeny bit of any of those characters (Becky Bloomwood, Emma Corrigan, etc)... or atleast my sisters and I think so.

So here's to my Tuesday afternoon, sitting on carpeted floor, literally hidden behind shelves of books, and laughing with my sister away. Whoever said being buried in books were boring? It was even better than watching a movie. We each saved P151.

Truth or Paranoia

Feel free to relate the following with your own experiences. Its vagueness is intentional.

They say that each person has instincts. The gut feel. But how does one know when our so-called instincts are working or when paranoia already starts to creep in. Paranoia blurs every rational thought in our heads, turning a person's usual angelic demeanor into devilish game plans:

How to catch a supposedly dubious act? How to catch someone red-handed? etc etc.

The problem with paranoia is that paranoid people don't think straight. Paranoia brings people to a sometimes zigzagging, sometimes curvilinear, sometimes squiggling search for something.

Because of it, we begin to search for the things that will prove us right instead of searching for the truth.

And that is why we must put a stop to paranoia. It hinders people from finding truth, even when truth is just there, blatantly sitting in front of us. Often, a tiny voice whispers, is it really?

See? We 're going around in circles now.

I've had my own share of paranoia which I will not disclose in this blog. But I've decided to let it be.

Just remember that persons who lie, cheat, and do fraudulent acts get caught by their own doings.

If this were an ad campaign, I'd say:
Think straight. Stop paranoia.
Truth always comes out if we let it.

Laborless Day

It's the first day of May.

Most of my friends are again out to enjoy the last day of the long weekend in a faraway place. Since I have a looooong summer break, the long weekend doesn't really seem long to me.

I had a pretty normal not-so-long weekend. I had work last Saturday. I went to Los Baños with my family yesterday where my sisters and I monopolized the videoke. But following the three-day weekend (even if inapplicable to me), I still have another day left.

Today.

I began my day by driving Ate Monica to her place in Manila for her first day of internship in UP PGH. Before she left, I told her, in my preschool teacher manner... "Good luck on your first day! And be good." I was still a bit sad about certain things this morning but more than those petty things sister fight about, other bigger issues arise. Ate Monica asked Lia to accompany me because I might encounter rallies along the way.

And on my way home, I did pass by a relatively small rally, going to the opposite direction. The crowd was on its way to Mendiola. But there were around six big police cars overtaking us with all those wang-wang. A bit too much for the crowd I've seen, if you ask me. But then again, they also know that the crowd will be bigger later on. Much bigger especially now. And what does that mean? We know what it means.

We know the pleas of the people in our country. We know most Filipinos are in poverty. Systemic poverty. We all (atleast most of us) wish to eradicate it someday. But often, we get stuck or we run around circles when we try to answer the question... HOW?

I am apprehensive to enter and write about the topic... not because I am apathetic but because I'm scared that it might be TOO BIG for me.

You see, I don't know the answers. But I guess no single person knows it too. Then I tell myself, if I just keep on thinking about it alone, it doesn't help much. So maybe I need conversations about it because in this case, more heads are truly better than one. And I think in situations like this, when I have nothing much to say yet, the best thing to do is to LISTEN (or in this case, read).

I am actually waiting for this special person to write down his pagmumuni... If anything, I need enlightenment.

We were once the "next generation" and now, we are actually nearing the "bright future" that they once thought our generation would bring. Correct me if I am wrong, brightness becomes brighter when we go near it... if the future is bright, it should have been getting bright by now...

There, I'm caught red-handed.

I'm one of the young ones not taking much action. I still looove taking vacations on our long weekends. (Our country has probably the most number of long weekends in a year). For me, I consider it a privilege to be thankful for. Although sometimes, it makes me think... while I am enjoying and trying to travel the different places, does it do any good to others? A few others, yes. The Tourism Department. The resort owners. The pedicab drivers. The mamangka. And all the other people we meet along the way of our travels. But still, not the majority of OTHERS who truly need all the help they could get.

Like the crowd of people rallying on this day. A Laborless Day. When you think about it, they are the ones who are helping themselves. They are fighting for a cause they believe in and because of that, they've always gained my respect. As I say, saludo ako sa inyo.

I know that I share a different kind of perspective on issues such as this. And often, people get shocked when they learn what I truly think. But as I keep on reiterating (special thanks to Sarah)... we all have different viewpoints. Differences do not necessarily mean discord.

I am not saying that I'm stopping my travels and adventures altogether. But I think it's about time for me to do something else, in addition to where I am now.

To everyone: Among all the posts I've ever written here (in my entire two-month old of blogging), I'd be the saddest if nobody replied to this one. I wonder... who else among us is wondering?