memories of mia

I wore white today. And I wore it for Mia.

I was not able to go to her wake which began last Monday. And I would no longer write my reasons for not being able to see her before the services this morning. (I scolded myself several times over this but as I have learned, dwelling in regrets would not do any good.)

So I have come to be at peace with myself, believing that Mia knows that she has been a good friend to all of us. My prayers are with her and her family.

Mia was two batches higher from me back in high school (the same age as my Ate Monica) and was once the president of the Math Enrichment Group (MEG) which was composed of students talented in Math who our highschool teachers tapped (I still could not understand how I became a part of it). But it was during my college years when Mia and I somehow got to know each other. Memories of her would come in flashes of white, just fleeting moments filled with her light aura...

...that time back in college when I saw her in UP at the Business Admin building, beside Cami's building in Econ. She was wearing a white polo shirt and a big smile. We just dropped by and said hello but I still remember it distinctly
...there was another time when she dropped by our house because she met with Michelle (I could not remember why) but that was a Sunday and my whole family, relatives included, met Mia. For the first and last time.
...and there was that one time in Manila, three years ago... when we visited her in the hospital because she was diagnosed with cancer. Again, she was just there, happily sitting on her hospital bed. She talked about the chemotherapy that she would undergo a few days after. I couldn't remember what she wore that time but it would probably be white again. Or not. But what I distinctly remember was that she began making beaded necklaces, earrings, bracelets, etc during her free time. And she was cheerfully telling us about what happened to her, her inexplainable persistent colds and sore throat, and how it turned out to be nasophrayngeal cancer. We all thought she would get better because she was so young and so enthusiastic about everything (not to mention preoccupied with her new hobby, selling her artworks on the side). We also knew that a lot of people survive from cancer...

Then I received a text message last Monday. Mia passed away.

All these moments I mentioned above among other things came into my mind, as if they were not so long ago. But then I realized that last memory I had of her was already three years ago...

Memories as we know it are always reconstructed. If my memory has failed me in whatever way, I know that at least it has allowed Mia to remain in my mind as to how I knew her -- light, practical, the math genius, cheerful, and strong in every sense of the word.

Last night, while I was answering my take home finals for one of my subjects, Coco texted about attending a wake and about the regrets of the friends who weren't able to spend time with the one who passed away. Either they were too busy with work or they were too busy with school. And that was their regret -- being too busy with other things and not being able to spend time with the ones they love. So Coco texted all of us to say that she loves us and that she wants to spend more time with everyone. That she's a text away and that we should all spend time together.

She came from Mia's wake.

Our time is short and life is unpredictable.
I've heard this several times but this time it leaves me reflecting deeper.

I was sad for not being able to go to Mia's wake for the same reasons that her friends were not able to see her when she was still alive. But sometimes we could bid goodbye in the most sincere way without physically doing so.

I know that I could not speak of Mia like the way those who truly know her do. But she has left me these good memories as well... little things I would always remember her by.

I know that she has heard all her friends' voices and prayers. She has been and would always be loved by her family and friends. And I believe that she has found peace within herself even before 326.

*In the memory of Mia Quijano*