Fish Out of Water

There was a time in my life when I was able to ramp for a fashion show with my height. It was during the late 1990s for an Ateneo High School event which included a fashion show. The male models were all Ateneans and the female models were from exclusive-for-girls schools. We donned clothes from Tokyo Fashion, 26Red, and Gozum. They're those stores you find in Robinson's Galleria or Megamall at that time.

Then there was another one back in college when I was asked to model for a large convention together with other college students.

Whatever walking skills I garnered from those ramp experiences were simply stored in my muscle memory that hibernated in my body. I never really thought they had to be awakened again.

A little more than two weeks ago, I received a call from a good college friend, with whom I had a shoot with before. She asked what I planned to do on October 23. I said I didn't have any plans yet. And from there, she explained that an Avant Garde fashion designer, Estien Quijano, with whom we had a shoot with months ago and whom we call Dave, wanted to have me as one of his models for Philippine Fashion Week.

Okay, pause.

Philippine Fashion Week? Yes, Philippine Fashion Week.

Wow.

Being invited to ramp for such a big and serious event in fashion felt surreal to me. I had to sit down and absorb the news slowly. I think it started to sink in when I talked to Dave and when he said he would love me to model for him. He also encouraged me to invite my friends to watch. And so two days later, I had my measurements taken at his place. And that's when it began to sink in really well. I was about to do ramp for Philippine Fashion Week and I was not in my most tiptop condition.

I was actually wishing I had a few months to prepare for it. But then I only had a a couple of weeks. Healthy food and exercise simply entered the picture for me. I said no to junk food, chocolates, and those fried foods that were part of my daily diet. Instead, I had oatmeal for breakfast, had more fruits and vegetables in my meals, and found time to exercise. In a way, it was a healthy crash diet.

I don't know whether it's the power of suggestion but people kept saying I looked better. For me, I really didn't see much difference although I felt more energetic and I found it easier to move around. Is that actually possible for just two weeks?

But anyway, despite my efforts to be healthy and feel good about myself, reality of modeling entered the picture when we were told that Runway Productions wanted to limit the models. After the first fitting, it would be decided whether they'd let the additional designer's choice models to ramp or not.

I met the really real models of the solo gala show during that first fitting. I describe them as "really real" because it is their line of work. It is what they do. I'm more of the real-person-turned-ramp-model-again-for-a-night. The really real models were young (as young as 18 or 19), gorgeous in whatever clothes they wore, stood tall with their incredibly long legs, and looked either thin or very proportional. I sat there with the most beautiful female bodies I've ever seen in a single area. I sat quietly, not knowing anyone, except for a girl who asked me for the time. She was 18. Chatter of New York, Macao, Japan, and Hong Kong fashion shows sometimes filled the air. A number of beauty queens were also around.

I told a good friend afterwards of how young, gorgeous, and tall these really real models were. My friend said I was two out of three so that was good. Haha.

What I learned from that day was that whatever I knew about walking from my amateur experience was not enough. I needed to practice my walk -- to glide and not bounce. Once the fashion show director said "Lala, welcome to to the world of fashion", I felt happy and vowed that I'd practice. (I am not 100% certain about these exact words but that was the gist of what he said). From then on, I practiced walking everyday using a pair of four-inch heels that I never really used before. Healthy food was also part of the regimen.

And then the day came. My really real ramp debut.

That was the first time I saw the clothes to wear, heard the song to ramp with, and actually practiced on the ramp. The theme was Avant Garde but I'd like to call it Pinoy Avant Garde.

I think that the way we had to walk with the Eraserhead's song, Magasin, was part of the designer's art:

HIT IT!



Nakita kita sa isang magasin.
Dilaw ang 'yong suot
At buhok mo'y green.
Sa isang tindahan sa may Baclaran,

Napatingin, natulala
Sa iyong kagandahan.


Naaalala mo pa ba noong
tayo pang dalawa?
Di ko inakalang sisikat ka.
Tinawanan pa kita,
Tinawag mo akong walanghiya

Medyo pangit ka pa noon
Ngunit ngayon...






Hey

Iba na ang 'yong ngiti.
Iba na ang 'yong tingin.


Nagbago nang lahat sa 'yoooo
oh ohhh.



Sana'y hindi nakita.
Sana'y walang problema
Pagkat kulang ang dala kong perahhhhh ahh.





Fashion Designer: Estien Quijano
Philippine Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2009
Photos by Arwin Doloricon and Sarah Bautista.

The best part of my white Avant Garde get-up (at least for me) was actually its V-shaped bareback which people could only see when I turn around.


Doing ramp itself is an exhilarating feeling. I vividly remember the beginning of the long ramp, the straight walk on the solid ground, surrounded by darkness but bombarded directly by the strong beams of light, the herd of cameras at the end of the walk snapping away in milliseconds, a pose and a slight pause, and then the turn, the walk back, and the exit. Done. It was like being a performer but in a totally different manner and in a very fast mode. After all the work, it's done and that's it.

And then you just crave for more.

Those who watched that night said that there will be more to come. Hopefully their words would bring in positive vibes and opportunities! Haha. It might actually work because a great lot did say it out loud. You see, I had my very own full task force slash entourage called FRIENDS that night.













Slowly, I understood fully my role in this show. I truly felt honored to have been part of Philippine Fashion Week. I call this my really real ramp debut at the age of 25. But more than that, I think I've seen how blessed I am in my life as a relational being. I've always been supported by people who believe that anything is simply possible. And for me, that's just how a fish out of water survives. No, not just survive, but actually live.

Isn't it a wonder?

I love being a super middle child in our family (I call it "super middle child" because I'm the third of five children). Whatever theory there is on Middle Child Syndrome, I personally don't believe it. As part of our birth order, I get to bond with each one of my siblings in different ways. I wouldn't say different levels. It's not the intensity that differs but the manner itself.

Today, this post will be about Nikki, my younger sister.

I was just reading her blog and found myself laughing. Laughing not in any devious way but just plain laughing as when we find something funny. She makes me laugh with her thoughts and comments. Even her friends' comments are hilarious.

After reading her posts, it's comforting to see how interwoven our lives still are despite the fact that we only see each other during weekends. We're all busy in our own ways at this point in time. Even if she's housemates with our youngest sister and they both live in the same building as our other older sister, they don't get to see each other often as well. They're the doctors and "duty" is the name of the game. In my mind, I can't help but compare Medical School to Hogwarts School of Wizardry in terms of lifestyle. It makes more sense to me that way.

Last night, Nikki and I had dinner together. I had fun conversing with her, amazed at how dedicated and focused my little sister is. But then again, she has always been like that and it's when she's not that becomes surprising to us. Anyway, it was just me and her at the dinner table. Everyone else was out. I could just imagine my dad saying to me if he were home early as well, "May sakit ka ba?" As for Nikki, she's usually home resting during Friday nights when her schedule permits her to do so. She doesn't receive any of those playful comments.

Prior to dinner, Nikki was looking at some tickets on the piano. While reading the names of the ticket owners, she voiced out her confusion, wondering why five strangers (names she has not ever heard from any of us) have tickets on the piano, "Who's --? Who's --?"

I told her that the other one was my friend and that her name was just written in full. She recognized the name right away but was still baffled by the rest. I explained that I didn't really know the owners of the rest of the tickets as they were my friend's friends. They were to be claimed on Sunday.

But Nikki was still confused and asked, "Saan galing yung tickets?" I totally forgot that we weren't able to chat about this new surreal thing so I just said with a grin, "I'll be part of it."

And from there, our dinner conversation started. How come she didn't know about it, asking not in a demanding manner but more of how-come-you-didn't-tell-us-and-we-would-be-there-in-snap? I realized that I was only able to tell Ling and my mom because we were up late one weeknight. My schedule has been really weird lately that I go home late at night (or early in the morning) when everyone else is asleep and wake up in the morning when my parents have left the house.

Anyway, I wasn't able to tell Nikki because we were so busy last weekend with birthdays and other things that this "news" slipped my mind. She said she wanted to watch as well and to take photos. I would LOVE that because Nikki's the best photographer in the family, getting "uno" in her Photography class back in UP. I told her I could add her name to the guest list and get her an invite. And we were like two giddy girls, amazed at how it happened. I felt excited all over again.

But then she realized she had an exam the following day after that event. There, I saw how torn she was between 1) her responsibility as a medical student and 2) her desire to take beautiful photos as a photographer and as a physically supportive sister.

Being the very focused person that she is, it's not hard to guess that she chose Option 1. It's always Option 1 because that's what she set herself out to do. Sacrifices included. And then she said I could invite her in the future again once she's already an earning doctor. She was that sure that I'd do this again when in fact my thinking was just as simple as I'd be doing it because of the same reason others climb Mt. Everest -- "Because it's there."

With two and a half years in between us, my sister is the more focused one. Even back in college, she was this point-something away from summa cum laude. And then there's always a little something on the side that she was highly concentrated on -- singing for a play, mastering photography, and working out a long distance relationship. And then recently, there's always the constant performance of a medical student plus more -- their group medical paper featured in the newspaper and my sister presenting it as the group leader in a conference in Davao.

She also told me that I was the topic of a conversation she had with her roommate the other day. They were saying that they were amazed at how busy I was with so many things. I wouldn't write those "things" here anymore because most are already in my other posts and because I promised this will be more about Nikki. The point is... with all our differences in interests, lifestyles, and career, I'm her fan as much as she's mine.

And if we were to be likened to fruit drinks, she would be 100% orange juice, fully concentrated. And me, I guess I'll be the Four Seasons. The same life-giving tree actually bears different fruits -- full of flavor, fresh, and refreshing.

The Artwork

I remember promising to post my friend's artwork here. This is "Gratitude" by Kenji Onglao, an art student in Madrid.



When you're feeling down, they say it's time to think about things that you're thankful for. And you can opt to change the mood. We only live this life once. Why make it harder?

So for whatever I'm actually feeling at this moment, I'll just throw it to the winds. And I'll open up my palms to the skies in this grateful acceptance for everything else out there, whether big or small.


I'm thankful for the extra time I allotted for myself this day. I am able to read another book and snuggle in my bed during a Sunday afternoon.

I'm thankful for my friends who send messages unexpectedly, making their little messages source of life's simple surprises.

I'm thankful for the people who try their best to sprinkle the world with positive vibes.

I'm thankful for the stability of things and also for the in-between-getting-there-wherever-there-is.

I'm thankful for being able to spend time with my family and having Sunday lunches filled with conversations and flavored ice cream.

I'm thankful for the people who lend out a hand (sometimes even two), who give moments of their precious time, and who make life much much much easier.

I'm thankful for being able to stir, move, and awaken someone's senses.

I'm thankful for being able to understand and adjust to the realities of other people's lives.

I'm thankful for the ability to create, learn, and change.