Lost and Found

Last night, I realized that I lost my cellphone. FOR REAL.

I've been known to leave my phone in weird places: on top of the refrigerator, on a cluttered bookshelf, on top of wherever whenever I'm on a rush (which is most of the time).

There was a time when my phone slipped from my hands on top of a flight of stairs and it travelled down the steps before I could save it from the fall. The side got chipped off but my phone still worked perfectly.

That was just one of the many times my cellphone accidentally fell from a height. For some reason, my phone was able to take all my "cruelty" and "irresponsibility" towards it. And I'm amazed at how it always used to find its way back to me.

There was a time when I left it inside the Probe headquarters. I didn't even know that I left it there because I was in a rush to get to class. When I got home, I thought I left my phone in school but then Ms. Giewee called me at home and said that she got my phone with her. And so, I went to the headquarters the next day to claim my phone from the security guard (thanks, Ms. G and manong!).

And of course there were other times when I just left my cellphone at home. Atleast there it was safe and sound. Sometimes it would find its way on the car floor until someone calls or texts and sets off the car alarm. And I'd be sure that I left it there.

So yes, my phone is probably the most battered-looking old phone around. But no matter how many times I've almost lost it, somebody always seems to give it back...until last night.

Nobody called me anymore. My number couldn't be reached either. I've been to different places that I didn't know where I accidentally left my phone. And so I was convinced by my kuya to have the line disconnected for the first time last night.

People couldn't contact me and I couldn't contact anybody else either except my family and Franco. I felt disappointed but there was noone to blame but myself. I was planning to change phones soon but I imagined transferring my old phonebook to the next one. Last night, I knew I would have to do it the harder way.

I emailed everyone in my yahoogroups plus other individuals not found in those e-groups and asked them to email me their contact numbers so I could complete my phonebook again once the line gets reconnected. But the thing is, I don't know everyone's email addresses except those who have emailed me or who I have emailed for the past months. If I was lucky, I'd probably get half of my contacts. But I didn't think about it that much...

Instead, I amused myself with the interesting email responses that varied from sympathy to "twas one of the few times I texted but you weren't able to receive it" (and twas roaming! whack!) to OMG trivias... (Louis, I never knew your number was obscene! haha.) and back to sympathy (which was majority of the responses).

I didn't think sympathy could be so cute... "Wawa lala" (like a baby). But I didn't feel "wawa" at all. I felt like a mature adult who's simply irresponsible when it comes to her cellphone and is willing to face all the consequences of her actions.

And so, I spent the whole day today without a phone. I just relied on the usual "see you at this particular meeting place at this particular time, etc" kind of arrangements rather than "text kita later where tayo meet". I practiced being on time and my sister also had to (coz she left her phone at home :p) and we had to meet up twice!

I didn't pine away (except for a while last night) about my phone. I just went back to a no-cellphone-mode which I realized I haven't done for quite a while. Since the texting generation boomed in the Philippines, almost everyone has atleast one cellphone.

And now, after a long day without a working cellphone with me (I had a spare phone with no load and a phone number that I didn't even know so it was useless!), I realized the following:

(1) Not having one wasn't so bad... It was like going back to gradeschool and early high school minus the beeper, hehe.
(2) I wasn't as attached as I thought I was to the stuff I stored in my cp or atleast I tried not to think about all the photos, messages, and contacts that I saved in my phone.
(3) I felt "detached" from the rest of the world except where I was at particular moments. Thus, I was focused on the "here and now" which for today was mostly with my sister, Ling.

And after all these realizations and going back to no-cp-mode... I was re-affirmed about my old belief that...

Nice and honest people are all around us!

Yeah, baby!

FLaShBack:
*my mom's cellphone rings*

"hello?"
"Hi! Good afternoon! Is this the mother of the person who lost his/her phone?" (which means the one who got it didn't tinker with my phone at all but probably searched for my 'mom' in the phonebook)

They chatted for a while.

Lo and behold! I'll be claiming my old phone back tomorrow. :)

I just learned about it tonight when I saw my mom and she told me the story. I guess I just had to try not having my phone for 24 hours and had another reason to blog. Oh, it was fun! :)

P.S.
To all those who emailed me, thanks for your quick response! I super appreciate them :) Sorry for the hassle...

my phone got lost and it was found!

Saturday, July 1, 2006

I got my phone back this morning! Thank you thank you thank you to the staff of the Ateneo library and Ms. Flor of the Director's office :) Oh, I just have to correct myself. They actually called my mom, Franco, and Sarah. I'm not surprised coz Franco & Sarah both have numerous messages stored in my inbox. :p I would have probably done the same thing if I found another person's phone.

Have a great weekend, everyone!

what on earth am i here for?

If you have read or atleast have seen the cover of Rick Warren's "The Purpose Driven Life", this line would be oh-so familiar. Actually even if you haven't done so, the line is probably familiar anyway... maybe because we all had atleast one chance to ask ourselves that.

This is the 3rd time someone in our family received a copy of the book. Still, I never had the chance to check it out until this afternoon (while I was watching Spiderman 2 on HBO).

As was advised in the book, I read the first chapter and then stopped to reflect. But then I couldn't help myself and I read the second chapter too... (even if I was supposed to "get more from the book" by reading one chapter per day for 40 days). Justification: I was stumped at the first chapter and needed the second one to anchor me somewhere...

chapter 1, day 1
The first line caught me red-handed.

It's not about you. Oh.

It's not about me. But my point of departure has always been myself and my experiences. Look at this me-me-me blog for instance.

Now you see how I was stumped while reading chapter 1? I am admittedly and obviously focusing on myself. I am somewhat lost.

But before you get stumped like I was, there is more to it than just removing the focus from one's self... At the beginning of the chapter, there were two quotes. I especially liked the second line because it acknowledges and respects diversity in faith:

Unless you assume a God,
the question of life's purpose is meaningless.
- Bertrand Russel, atheist

chapter 2, supposedly day 2
The first line made me smile.

You are not an accident. Ah.

I always thought I wasn't.

God doesn't play dice.
- Albert Einstein

~ o O o ~

I think I'll be spending the rest of the day pondering on these some more. I just realized that I'm not super comfortable sharing each and every detail of my reflections here so that's it for today, guys.

June 29, 2006, Thursday
I spent the day inside the library surrounded by books. And I actually loved it. Quiet. Still. Calm. (I can now hear a nerd-siren coming my way...) More often than not, while I'm surrounded by old books, my mind keeps on wandering off. (I can hear the nerd-siren fade in the background...)

My mind has always been like a little butterfly fluttering around outside the premises of a big garden.

And this afternoon was no exception. Where did it go? Hmm, different places in the near (and far) future...

I thought about my old dream of putting up a preschool with sunlight pouring in through the windows and children laughing, of becoming a writer and living in a faraway place, of travelling the islands and providing education to those who need it most, and of other absurd things that I've forgotten about which comprised majority of my daydreaming.

Wait, I did think about Chapter 1 until Chapter 3 of Rick Warren's book. Yes, we're still focusing on this...

Chapter 3, definitely day 3

What drives your life?

What drives my life?

Before I answer this, I think I shall go back to chapter 1. The reason why I couldn't move much from there was that because I thought I was supposed to COMPLETELY exclude myself when it said "it's not about you". But then, I realized that the book didn't mean to negate the whole me. It just wanted to clarify that one's purpose is more than one's personal dreams, aspirations, and goals. In the end then, it is letting God's hand guide us throughout our life and be driven by Him. As with most cases, it is easier said than done. There would be sacrifices and hardships along the way but I guess life is really like that.

I don't think it will be easy. na-ah. But I think it will be a beautiful journey that all of us have to take. So let us all try to have that. A purpose driven life.

And yes, I'll continue reading the book but this is probably the last entry about it. The rest will be more private reflections.

8th Floor Wonder

Several days back, I commented in my friend's blog because he confessed that he was scared of hospitals and needles. I was too. Unlike him, however, I didn't have a valid reason for being scared because (1) I was never ever confined in a hospital and (2) I didn't have any scary experience with needles to the point that I didn't even know my own blood type at the age of 23.

All those changed last week.

My fear of hospital confinement and needles had a more solid basis because (1) I was confined in a hospital and (2) I had 2 blood extractions, 1 inserted IV, 3 painful skin tests, and that painful medication injected through the IV.

The funny thing is all these actually diminished my fear. I conclude then that what I actually fear is the unknown (which makes sense because my love for trying out new things would lessen the unknown). *Flower phobias still keep me baffled though.*

Going back to my hospitalization...

Before GMA was confined in St. Luke's for her abdominal pain which turned out to be acute infectious diarrhea, I was confined first because of abdominal pain with a different diagnosis and in a different hospital. GMA as my topic ends in this paragraph. I'm not going to write about her experience because we all read about it in the newspaper and have seen it in the news. She's off to Europe at this very minute for her one week visit. As for me, I am back home.

And so I write about what I know of. And that, as always, is my own experience (or more appropriately, just thoughts) for the past days that I was in the hospital.

GooGoo Dolls' Better Days
I've heard this song several times in the radio but didn't give it much thought. While lying on the hospital bed however, I finally had the time to watch TV and saw its music video on MYX. And that's when I read its lyrics. I don't know if it was just me and the I.V. on my left hand that cleaned my system, but I felt sentimental watching the video and listening to this song... I've never done this before but I found the lyrics worth sharing so here it is.

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Cuz everyone is forgiven now
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again
Cuz tonight's the night the world begins again

Dreams
I was awake at night with my medication injected in my I.V... I had the chance to watch Jolina Magdangal play the role of Jasmine Trias in GMA 7. Amazing story. I almost forgot all about what I watched because of the pain from the meds through my IV... but then in the end, I remembered that I liked it. :) It was basically about chasing after one's dream and all the hardships one has to go through in order to reach that point. And we know why typical stories occur... more often than not, they're TRUE ;)

Realizations
While I was looking at the rest of the city from the big hospital windows during the day, I thought to myself that I wasn't even seeing much. I was on the 8th floor (yep, thus the title) and all I saw were the tops of other roofs, billboards, towers, and other buildings. Although of course the sky was beautiful... until I saw the ugliest sight of all -- the smog that covered the beautiful sunset.

For some reason, I thought of how big the rest of the world was while I sat there on my hospital bed. If I were on the 20th floor, I would probably see the rest of the vast land area and probably realize that I was truly miniscule (atleast physically). Then at that moment, I told myself that I wanted to become a better swimmer. (remember, these were raw and random thoughts)

The scariest thing about not being able to swim well is the fact that 3/4 of the Earth is made up of water. Boats, kayaks, and surfboards are fun ways to enjoy the water but if I want to be a REAL traveler, I would have to explore beyond what I could see above sea level. The waters run deep and I must learn how to... dive!!! Swimming and diving are the next activities that I'll probably be doing... right after I persuade Franco to join me ;) ahem2x if you're reading this.

Travel through TV
I wanted to go to Rio de Janeiro after watching National Geographic [even after seeing this iguana swimming in a man-made pool and scaring a bikini-clad woman] Did you guys know that as Filipinos, we don't need a VISA in order to enter Brazil? Tickets and passport are just fine... Whoopee! I even started daydreaming about Ipanema and Copacabana for a while... But then I learned that we need a VISA to get to the U.S. first and from there, fly to Brazil because we don't have a direct flight from the Philippines to Brazil.

*LaLa's DayDream BuBbLe PoPs*

L.O.V.E.
I watched the movie Love Actually before but I wasn't able to finish it. So when Star Movies aired it last Thursday night and Friday morning, I was ecstatic about it. I made a little something inspired by the movie's main point.

Love could be seen (and felt) between two lovers, an infant and an adult, another set of lovers, sisters, business partners, preschool students and their teachers, best friends, barkadas, siblings, couples-to-be, a couple and a friend, baby sisters, a couple-to-be becoming a couple, pets, teammates, same old couple, benchmates, grandparents, and MORE. (by now, you would have noticed that I was describing the collage below). And love could be expressed through kisses, hugs, smiles, pats on the backs, holding hands, and many many many different ways.

I agree with the film

that...

Love Actually is All Around.

~ o O o ~

It's amazing what two whole days of being confined in a hospital could do to a person... These thoughts are just a few of my official 8th floor wonders...

Of course I made the collage after getting out of the hospital ;)

~ o O o ~

So what is it that really happened to me? The reason why I didn't write about it right away was that I've been repeating the story for all of my doctors... a nephrologist (for my kidneys), a surgeon (in case it was appendicitis), a ultrasonologist (for my abdominal ultrasound), a gastroenterologist (for obvious reasons: abdominal pain), and a cardiologist (for not-so-obvious reasons: my dad's one of my attending physicians), and all their interns and residents in those areas of specializations. And I probably grew a bit tired of telling the same story over and over. So in summary (the last time I'll hopefully tell this story), here is what happened to me...

But remember, I'm innately a story-teller (writer) so here's...

THE REAL STORY for my Doctors' Diagnosis
While in my Multivariate Statistics class (popularly known as Psych 212 in UP) at around 7pm, I felt this pain in my abdomen. I couldn't pinpoint which part it was actually coming from. So while copying notes and reciting for Dr. David, I just held my stomach with my free hand. But I wasn't concentrating anymore. I just wished that class would be over and that I could go home and lie down. I tolerated one and a half more hours of pain until class was over.

I was still able to drive home although I was already complaining to my classmates that my stomach really hurt and even joked that it felt like my internal organs went awry. Jenn was complaining that her head was aching too so my abdominal pain wasn't much of a biggie then. We were always in a kind of pain after that particular class anyway.

When I reached the house, my dad was sitting on the rocking chair and watching his favorite TV show -- a golf tournament. In between sipping my corn soup and debating whether I should tell my dad or not about my stomachache (I was thinking if it were serious or if I could just dismiss it but then it was already past 9:30pm and the pain has been constant even if it wasn't excruciating). And so I told my dad about my stomachache. And he went into "interview mode".

"What time did you feel the pain? what kind is it?"
"What did you eat?"
"Did you get hungry? How about in the past days?"

I answered all his questions then he asked me to drink warm milk first and rest before continuing my dinner. My mom and sister came home with groceries and I joined them while they had dinner. I had my milk but I didn't finish it coz I found it icky that time. I talked to Franco over the phone and he said I sounded all right (he heard worse abdominal pain complaints from me)... then our line was cut and I fell asleep on the sofa with warm compress. The pain didn't go away during that nap.

And when I woke up that same night (just clarifying that it was a short nap), I went to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth... in the middle of brushing my teeth, I felt my knees go weak. And my entire body felt weak. Passing by my parents who were watching TV then, I muttered to them that I felt weak... then I went to my room.

And there, I felt my vision darken. And I held to the side of my bed. Without my knowing, my mom followed me inside the room. And there, she saw me holding on to the side of the bed... She made me lie down, inclined my legs on top of a pillow, and asked me to take deep breaths because I was pale. (I'm probably the anti-pale girl so being pale meant being PALE.) Then she called my dad.

They got my blood pressure but it was normal. Since my lips were back to their original color, they concluded that I probably stood up too fast a while ago. My stomach though still hurt... By then, the pain seemed to move towards the hypogastric area (which is below [hypo] the stomach[gastric], in other words, puson). But my right side was also in pain (if not in more pain).

Ling and mom spent the night chatting with me while I held a hot compress against my abdomen. The pain didn't go away. Then I got my fever. 87.8 and 88.5 celsius.

The next day, the pain remained and my parents decided to bring me to the hospital. While they were preparing everything -- clothes, toiletries, etc., I was still lying down on my bed. By 7am, my abdominal pain has persisted for 24 hours (if not for more than 24 hrs because I wasn't sure if the onset was 7pm or earlier than that).

I stood up with the help of my mom and manang and everything went smoothly. After three steps however, my vision turned black (this time darker than the previous night's: pitch black). So I had to lie down and take deep breaths again. My blood pressure was checked with the BP apparatus and I was ok. But they didn't want to take any more chances of me blacking out... Believe it or not, they made me sit on a monoblock chair being pulled and carried down the steps all the way to the car. I have innovative doctors in the house! :)

And that's when I tried out a series of things for the first time... hospital confinement, complete blood count, IV, ultrasound, fasting...

And that's when I felt a series of emotions all in two days... confusion of what my illness was, fear of what would happen if there was really something wrong with my kidneys (a whole new lifestyle: inactive and no sodium), fear of surgery but wishing it was appendicitis rather than kidney complications, pain from my skin tests for the medicine, fear of my actual medicine through the IV, frustration as to when could I eat again???... and frustration as to what to do I really have?

And of course, there were the fun parts... people visiting me in my hospital room, my professor excusing me from school and wishing me well, being able to watch TV without thinking of anything else, sleeping on those cool hospital beds which you could incline ;)

But in case you grew tired of reading the long story I wrote above (which I believe would be the case for most of you) It is meant for data recording anyway. Here's the ending...

No surgery and appendix still intact. Kidneys were fine. They were found different in the ultrasound because they were slightly larger than normal but the doctor said that it was better for them to be large than small. Creatinine level was normal. Complete blood count showed that I had high levels of white blood cells which meant my body was fighting off an infection. And so, I am being treated with antibiotics for an inflammation in the bladder. And by the way, I finally learned what my blood type is. I'm a universal donor ;)

All is well now. Have a great week, everyone :)

Daddy's Little Girl

A lot of little kids have their security blankets while growing up. Remember little Charlie in Peanuts? Did he ever outgrow his blankie? I'm not so sure (someone help me!) But I do know this man's man who grew up with his very own blankie (no names promise!) and eventually outgrew it. But back then, he held to his blankie like it was dear life.

No matter how smelly these blankies turn out to be with all the saliva and weewee that they've absorbed through the years, kids still cling on to their blankies for comfort. I think quite a lot of kids grew up like this.

I didn't. Well, not exactly.

I grew up not with security blankets but with comfort clothes. And when I say comfort clothes, these are my LARGE t-shirts a.k.a. pambahay/pantulog. They're the type of clothes that you hang out in when you're too lazy to go out of the house. (why call it hang out when you're in?) I wear these clothes whenever I'm just hanging... in or sleeping. And I never outgrew it (the habit, not the clothes.) For the record, I outgrew some of the clothes (a little girl's big shirt isn't so big anymore for a big girl so off they went) but the habit stuck with me.

Like right now, I'm wearing this Double-O-Seven (007) Tomorrow Never Dies freebie shirt that I've had since my brother brought it home after he watched the movie premiere (so what year was that?) And I guess I couldn't let go of the shirt not because I'm all sentimental about it but because it's super comfy! Old habits die hard.

And to whom do I owe this good or bad habit (whichever way one wants to look at it)?

To my one and only DAD, of course. :)

A creature of habit, my dad likes having the same breakfast and merienda, day in and day out (except when we're out of town). Oatmeal for breakfast and toasted bread with sardines for merienda.

My dad is the reason why a 1973 Dodge Colt is still parked in our place although it was my mom's car back in med school (and my mom's not being sentimental about it). He is the reason why I have to take good care of my laptop because he clearly pointed out that he would never buy me another one ever and asked me to treat it as if it were the last laptop I'd ever own in this lifetime. (I guess he took the word "Lifebook" seriously). And he is also the reason why I have old large t-shirts in my closet which I could never ever let go of. He gave me two shirts circa 1970s and made me promise to take care of them. (they won't be part of our upcoming garage sale, promise!)

His main reasons for clinging on to certain objects are (1) sentiment and his (2) innate thriftiness. My reasons for clinging on to certain objects are (1) comfort and (2) lack of money. So you see, I'm still a bit like my dad. And to those who have already met my dad, I swear I'm just like him, only less scary ;)

I've heard enough "terror teacher" stories about my dad from medical interns and residents... And I once joked that I'm thankful I won't have him as my mentor in hospital rounds only to realize that I've got him as my mentor throughout my entire life. Seriously though, I truly think that aside from being a great cardiologist, he'll always be a teacher at heart (no pun intended).

He's not really that terrifying. Yes it's true that he sometimes asks us to quote the author/book from which we get certain information (even while having dinner) or he imposes curfews that vary from 10pm to 1am but I think his strict demeanor in those matters has always been for the best. (Plus I've found legit ways not to have any more absurd curfews. They're called balance and having a front door key.)

From him, I learned that some things are just in our heads, biases and judgment that we've formed on our own... like my childhood bias that veggies are bad food... well, atleast bad-tasting. He made me outgrow that by constantly asking me to eat my veggies until I acquired the taste for them. ;)

From him, I learned that growing up means deciding on your own and not deciding to please other people... I was a bit unsure while choosing a university for my undergrad. Actually, I was a bit scared at first because I always thought my dad wanted me to choose U.P. when in fact all he ever wanted was for me to decide on my own. And so when I reserved my slot in Ateneo, he told me how happy he was to see me make my own decision. Believe me, I felt like a grown-up that time and I was 16 (closely turning 17).

From him, I learned not to take things for granted... He often told us his childhood stories as they chased after jeepneys or how life was more difficult for him when he was younger. One of his favorites was his story about med school. He said that they didn't have much money before so he had to enter U.P. med and told himself to do good there because he wouldn't be able to afford any other medical school. As it turned out, perseverance and integrity were his answers to almost everything.

From him, I learned how it is to have full support. And it's not simply about financial support... Often, the emotional kind matters more... like when I told him that I tried out for GamePlan and he said that he was happy for me because I sounded excited and passionate while describing it to him. (I had to explain because he didn't watch much TV except for tennis matches, golf, and HBO). Oh, I was even more ecstatic after that conversation! Eventually, he turned even more excited with the GP REACT LALA campaign which I guess resulted to the high statistics in the end. And when I didn't get the job, I knew he felt sad too. Aww. But he got through it ;-)

From him, I learned to find happiness in both great and small things. Aside from family and friends, he finds happiness from golf, music, and prayer. These are the things that usually comprise our Sundays except for golf which he solely enjoys. :p

From him, I learned to be on time, to be considerate, to value education, and to
stick to my principles among many other things.

I am thankful that I have one of the best mentors I could ask for. I am who I am today partly or probably almost mostly because of him.

My Dad :)

I'm not writing directly to my dad here because (1) he doesn't check the internet much and (2) I'd rather tell him in person all the other things I want to say although I think I'd have to read this entry to him as well. :)

So... Happy Father's Day to all the fathers out there :) And friends, Happy Father's Day to all your Daddies too!

Waiting

It is true that when we risk, even if we lose, we are happy in the end because we at least tried. But how true is it when they say that everything happens for a reason and good things happen to those who wait? I have yet to find out.

Almost two weeks ago, I went to an interview and vtr for a hosting job. The director asked me to tell them about myself. "Yabangan mo k'me" were his exact words. I smiled and instead of making "yabang", I decided to tell a short story about the past two years of my life. In the end, I told them the truth -- that I fell in love with hosting. Then the director scheduled me for my second call that day. A few days later, I received a phone call for a final screening.

So last Tuesday I went back to the studio and gave them my best shot.

Afterwhich, I surrendered myself to their decision-making body. Whether I land this job or not, I know at the back of my mind that at least I tried. :)

Now, I wait.

It doesn't hurt that while I'm waiting, I'm preoccupied with other things. As I often tell my friends, all these activities that I've been doing for the past year have been and remain to be my coping mechanism. For what? To cope with whatever I am waiting for.

When I'm waiting for something or even if I'm waiting for someone, I cope better when I feel that I am not waiting at all. My life moves on, hoping that whatever or whoever I am waiting for will soon follow. I cope better when I dance, when I have a paper to write, when I have research to do, when I have TV series to watch (preferably House MD and now Scrubs), when I practice my zips, when I have my girlfriends around, when I have my sisters to chat with all day looong, when I try out new things, or when I blog. The list continues to grow.

If I don't do them, the more I am aware that I am waiting for something or for someone. And the more aware I am of my own waiting makes me more impatient, more irritable, more restless. (or maybe sometimes those are actually from hormonal imbalances.)

Waiting has its funny way of being mastered actually. It's one of those few things that gets mastered precisely by not focusing on it.

So now, after blogging about it, I've freed myself from all the waiting. For now ;)

Solemnly
I came from my college friend's mom's wake this morning. I didn't want to write about it a while ago but I had the urge to do so because I found a different kind of strength from her that I just had to share.

They just flew back in from San Francisco yesterday and went straight to Church for the wake. She said that one could never be too ready for this kind of thing but atleast she and her sister were readier now than if it happened 8 years ago or back in college. And as I said, I saw strength in her as she told us short anecdotes about her mom in the hospital. How it was for the past days and how they peacefully let go of her. It's the kind of strength that makes you look up to that person even more. It's the kind of strength that makes you proud of that person. It's the kind of strength that makes you cry a little or cry a little more. It's the kind of strength that you wish you had but at the same time you wish you wouldn't be forced to have yet. Atleast for me, that was the kind of strength that I saw and felt this morning.

I didn't cry like I often do although I felt a bit teary-eyed for a while. Most of our time there were spent catching up with each other's stories and updates. There were lots of laughing, story-telling, laughing... And of course there were the pats, the kisses, and the hugs that one couldn't live without.

And that is why I know my friend has the strength for all these... Because the strongest persons are the ones who know that they will always need others with them in their lives.

Sunrise and sunsets

Although I find both of them beautiful, I'd choose sunrise over sunset if I were asked to choose between the two.

But it is more often that I get to catch the sunset because (1) it is easier to do so and (2) it is inevitable (unless I take an afternoon nap).

For the past months, I was lucky enough to witness several beautiful sunsets. And I guess one of the nicest things about sunsets is that they make people reflective as another day ends.

To officially officially end my fulfilled summer, here is a photo of a setting sun. This was taken by Raffy during the May 20-21 La Union surfing trip. I didn't notice this back then because I was too busy trying to learn flag football and playing frisbee until the sky grew dark (so now I'm contradicting myself... I could still actually miss beautiful sunsets even if I were wide awake).

Although I didn't personally catch this particular sunset, I appreciate its beauty. And I want to share it with you...



Another nice thing about sunsets for me is that I know after a few hours, sunrise is bound to happen. I just have to be patient and be prepared when that time comes.

Saving Gas

I had one of my longest Mondays ever. I slept at around 2:30am from the previous day (why oh why did I not sleep as soon as I got home from the Sunday shoot??? just plain bad decision making!) and woke up at 7:30am because my friend, PJ, and I headed for an interview. I parked my car at PJ's place and he drove for the two of us. By the time it was 4pm and we were heading back to his place, I was getting dizzy and could actually feel cold sweat on my forehead. There was something painful in my stomach that I couldn't really pinpoint and I was already salivating from the pain. For the longest time, I haven't been in that kind of state... I no longer told PJ that I felt like vomitting any minute. I just controlled myself until we reached his house and he gave me additional giveaways from our previous hosting stint. I mustered all my strength and drove my car, fetched Ling from school, and drove back home. I thought that maybe I was just hungry because it was more than three hours since I last ate so I took a piece of the chocolate mousse that Ling got for me before hitting the road. When we got home, Nikki was watching DVDs of HOUSE M.D. Season 2 so we had another marathon even if my stomach still felt weird. Painful kind of weird. Franco and I talked over the phone but he asked me to rest first coz I sounded horrible. But I didn't rest. I ended up watching two more House M.D. episodes.. :p I think my "sick feeling" was really a product of all the tiring activities I did prior to that Monday. Either that or it was because I ate in an unfamiliar canteen after bragging that my stomach could take in anything.

~ o O o ~

The reason why my title is my title, however, has nothing to do with what I wrote above.

I am home right now when I'm supposed to be out... because I decided to save gas. I've been driving around the Greenhills area yesterday that I think I finished off P500 worth of gas. :( Ok, that's a bit exaggerated but I remember going to the gas station last Monday so between yesterday and Monday afternoon, I emptied the tank without going very far...

Anyway, I decided to skip some classes tonight. I could just jog around the park or maybe play with my zips at home. :-) Practice, practice, practice!

By the way, I finished HOUSE M.D. Season 2 today. Maybe that's also why I'm writing like a zombie. :p

I hope everyone's having a great week! Mine is starting to be boring but I have this feeling that the pace is going to pick up fast tomorrow then I'd wish that I'd have more time to blog :p

Before I leave, here's a picture that PJ just emailed me. It was taken right before the Heatwave concert, my first live hosting gig with him as my partner. Our accessories were courtesy of Sweet whose works could be found along the AS Walk in U.P. Diliman. She generously gave me the earrings, necklace, bangles, and bracelets after the concert coz I loved them! Friends, visit her stall if you have time! :) We were styled by Kat Manalo. :)

HeatWave concert hosts

Lala: the apprentice ... PJ: ang beterano

Friday, June 9: I realized that my post sounded as if I were about to leave again. But no, I'm not. :) I'm just looking forward to a great weekend here in Manila coz Franco's finally coming home!
I think it's the best way to spend my last weekend before school starts again.

Have a wonderful long weekend, everyone! :)

Model for a Weekend

I had an interesting weekend. I suddenly turned into a model.

Friday night. I had a sort of "practice shoot" in Mariel's house, which was around 5 houses away from mine.
Saturday morning. I had to burn some calories and attended my Moro classes.
Sunday afternoon. The actual shoot.

The "Practice Shoot"
Mariel, one of my benchmates and my almost-next-door neighbor, had her "despedida" for the Happy Benchers last Friday night. She made us eat 100 sticks of barbecue and 100 pieces of yummy siomai. Then, she made us (actually them) drink loads of beer. In the end, we all craved for more Dulcelin's mango torte. (now you know why I had to burn calories the next day :p)

Louis, our official photographer during bench get-togethers, brought his newly-acquired lights and his black backdrop.

Carl, our official stylist, brought his bronzer.

And I, together with some of the Happy Benchers present that night, brought ourselves.

These were some of the photos from Mariel's "despedida".

For more FOHTOS by Louis, click HERE.

We can probably have another Happy Bench photoshoot a month from now when Mariel comes home and creates a "Welcome Me Back" party ;)


One of A Kind Sunday
If Friday shoot was for fun, Sunday meant serious work. We had an assignment to finish.
But even if it was supposed to be "serious" that time, it also turned out to be one of the most exciting and fun shoots I've ever done (not that I had many ;p).

How could it not be fun? I was with the best team I could think of and we were in one of the best location shoots in the city! :p

The assignment = my setcard (for future hosting reference & other gigs)
The team = my friends: Louis, Carl, and Hans & my newfound friend, Cattan, who was lured by Hans with the mango torte ;) [Super thanks for all the help, guys! You're the best!]
The location = my friend's house (which shall remain anonymous in this blog unless all the dots in the worldwide web get connected which is fairly easy)

I brought my own clothes, was styled by my friends, and had to put on my own make-up (with special tips from Hans and with the help of Empress Carl after the first shoot)

For a person who isn't used to projecting like a REAL model, I think modeling poses (no pun intended) as a challenge. I couldn't get that "dumb look" that Hans wanted except for the first tsamba. There were more than a dozen funny-looking photos for every good one. And the best photo of the day was actually candid.

But I am proud to show you what we all accomplished.

After around 10 hours of hard work, voila...


Photos by Hans & Louis
Layout by Louis
I deleted some of the information so you could see a black space on the left... :) [not Louis' fault]

For my first two REGAL SHOCKER photos by Hans, click HERE.
For Sporty Regal Shocker photos by Hans, click Swoosh.
For more FOHTOS by Louis, click HERE.

~ o 0 o ~

I did this because I needed a setcard. But I think I'd do it again soon because I am now challenged by Hans (read the first three conditions in his blog comments) :p

Seriously though, I realized that being a model is actually a tough job. It is another kind of discipline. And like any other discipline, it is something that needs to be studied, learned, and properly executed. For our next fun shoot, I would have to master controlling all the small facial muscles I have. And I would have to know my own angles and do other flattering body contortions so my friends wouldn't have a difficult time. ;)

I wasn't born to become a supermodel. I don't have super long lean legs nor do I have the perfect skin or the perfect body type for a model but I am comfortable in my own skin. And I think we all did well (the photographers, the stylists, & myself) because we knew what our strengths were, what we could do, what we could improve in the future, and what we wouldn't do.

I'm happy with the first fruit of our labor. :) And I just showed the world (well, at least those who read my blog) that this can be done by an ordinary girl with the help of extraordinary friends (plus hard work of course). The same thing applies to almost everything else in life.

So guys, whatever it is you have in mind (as long as it makes you learn new things and does not cause any harm to anyone)...

Just do it!

I did.

I am really a self-proclaimed Nike spokesperson.

Oh, and model ;)

Last Days of Summer

For me, June signifies that "summer" is officially over. And as I look back to the last few days of summer, I cannot help but be happy. :)

Last night, I had dinner in Good Earth with my great friends, Cess, Tita Irene, and Kenneth. Believe it or not, it was my long-overdue birthday dinner. :p We finally found the same schedule after a month and 11 days! With them as company, I have proven to myself that age really does not matter. We're four adventurous and young at heart persons who all met in Kenneth's hiphop dance class. Although we see less of each other in Moro now, we've kept the friendship alive. :) To Cess, Tita Irene, and Kenneth: Thank you for the wonderful company, dinner, and gifts! See you all in our mini-concert ;-)


The Ladies' Sofa

I wanted to write about a ladies' sofa where ladies' night-ins are spent, where ladies discuss what all women talk about during get-togethers -- anything and everything in their lives, where ladies pour out their emotions and let out all their masked insecurities.

More specifically, I want to write about our very own ladies' sofa.

April 2005.



A year and a month after.


But the truth is we didn't spend so many hours chatting and conversing while sitting on this sofa. Most of our stories were kept inside the bedroom and shared when we were about to fall asleep or upon waking up early in the morning (or late in the morning for this matter). If not on the beds, we spent telling our tales gathered around the dining table while eating choco macadamias, champoy, steamed corn, ice cream, Sun chips, Keebler's TimTam, and drinking light beer for some (comfort foods always have the weirdest combinations!)

And what we truly did on our very own sofa is what ladies love to do during get-togethers -- making crazy faces and imitating various emotions just for the fun of it in front of atleast two cameras ;-)


You've been POKED!
Last weekend, I went back to San Juan, La Union to surf. I was with Milds, Sherwin, and Meg and met up with my college blockmates (including Coco) there. Unlike the first weekend where we had our bonfire at night, we couldn't make another one even if we wanted to because everything was wet from the rain.

So we all spent the night indoors playing poker. Actually, they played poker. I watched.

This is my friend, Meg, who was shy at first to play with a new group then decided to let her true self be. The result? Winning the game!
On the right is one of my funniest blockmates, Emong, making a sad poker face! :p


This is Meg winning for the nth time! And Emong acting that he's acting sad. ;-)




Playing in the Rain

Although we weren't able to make bonfires that Saturday night because of the rain, I was more than thankful for that rainy afternoon.

Unlike the first weekend, the waves at that time were so small that one could mistake the sea for a lake. The best time I actually had surfing was when it started raining. Jericho, my instructor that afternoon, asked me to make the most out of it because the wind was blowing harder and my most-awaited waves were finally coming in.

At that point, there were only three surfers left playing. I was standing longer on my board and falling off less from it. The tangerine sun was setting, the rain was pouring, and the wind was blowing the waves in. Picture perfect. I have that moment in my own album of filmless photographs.


Welcoming June
Remember how I've always wanted for the rain to go away the entire summer? I never thought that one of the best times I would have was when the rain started pouring in. :)

I still have postponed plans (the Pagudpud trip that has yet to materialize)... and other additional plans on my list... but I realized that I don't really have to wait for next summer to continue my travels. Remember the famous Filipino line? Kung gusto, may paraan. Kung ayaw, may dahilan.

I now think that there are ways :)

~ o O o ~

Of all the things I learned for the past months, one of the most unforgettable was when my surf instructor saw me having a hard time paddling back to where I would catch my next wave. He said that if I want to get to that point faster, I would have to face the waves.

Everyone, let's all say hello to June and everything that comes along with it. :)