Vacation Leave

Remember my entry over the summer when I said that I was working like an ant? I said that I'll celebrate when the rainy days are here.

THIS IS IT. The rainy days are finally here! :)

I'm going to escape the rain for a few days and say HELLO AGAIN to SUNSHINE!!!

It will be a short, historical, and memorable trip. And it will probably be one of the most amazing adventures I could experience this year. :)

I finished my worksheets and lesson plans for the preschool. I also submitted a draft of ideas to my thesis adviser earlier. I fixed everything else that I have to do and placed a halt to some things in Manila. I'm making way for this vacation, baby!

I couldn't get 100% excited before because there were several uncertainties. But now that I am certain about the trip, I couldn't keep the excitement to myself!!! WHOOPEEEE! I feel like a child again. :) :) :)

I promise to post LOTS and LOTS and LOTS of photos! I even deleted all the photos in my camera for this. That's a FIRST!

Til next week... OPA! :D

Overtime!

When I love what I'm doing, you can just pile the work in front of me and I'll happily do them. No complaints. ;)

Like now, for instance. It's a Sunday and here I am working, working, working. I'm happy doing this because 1) I want to finish everything ASAP 2) in connection to reason #1, there's something in store for me over the corner (yahoo!) And lastly, 3) As my friend, Mayen, told me last Wednesday, I am actually in the middle of my self-discovery at the moment.

We all have that moment when we're in our own element. So what's my element? Swimming in the sea of things I love to do and with people who are in full support swimming with me!

I've been reviewing my blog entries. I sometimes tend to make generalizations. Like I end up typing these lines before my thoughts... "as with most things..." or "if there's anything I am certain of"... etc. Those who know me well also know that this is not how I speak in person. I usually write my entries when I'm extremely sad or when I'm extremely happy or when I'm extremely bored. And during those days, I tend to make conclusions about certain things. Today, I'm writing because I'm just being true to my word when I said that I'll write whenever I feel like doing so. I woke up itching to write something. So here I am.

I watched Ocean's 13 with Franco last night. Amidst all the things that happened in the movie (semi-action scenes, gorgeous faces, and twists), one line struck me... "Once you get embarrassed of who you truly are, you lose yourself". I might just have tweaked that sentence because I'm basing this on memory (which we know is always reconstructed). Nonetheless, the gist is all there.

With that line in mind, let's start embracing ourselves! And I'm starting this by answering my friend's TAG. What's a TAG? It's a game that children play lot. When I was a kid, I used to play tag a lot too! But now that I'm older, I can't remember the last time I did. I don't even play the online tags that I get. But that's about to change because I was "tagged" last week by my friend, Debbie Ty. I promised to answer her TAG this week. It's about sharing your SEVEN QUIRKS.

Here are mine...

1) THE UNLEASHED BRATINELLA. I am naturally sweet and nice but when I get mad, I can get really mean. And it's the kind of "mean" that's only "mean" to the person I am "mean" to. This rarely comes out because it's kind of difficult to make me mad. ;) ...It was Mayen who clearly pointed out my bratinella side. For the record, I don't want to be "mean" in any way anymore. My lesson for the week: Love begets love and hate begets hate. :)

2) LET LOOSE TEACHER. I am the least OC preschool teacher I know of. When there's no particular need for straight lines, lines can curve in whatever direction. As long as the students are doing things that are still in line with the lesson goals, I let them be. For instance, orange people with purple hair are fine with me along with rainbow-colored horses. I usually ask my students for the real colors of these subjects and they know (black or brown hair, brown or fair-colored skin, black, brown, or white horses etc). Then I ask them what they used to color the drawings and they tell me the colors they used (purple hair, orange skin, multi-colored horses). When kids answer that way, it's not wrong. It's brilliant.

3) BUG-ME-NOT WRITER. I don't like people reading over my shoulder while I'm in the process of writing my thoughts. And my sister, Ling, is doing it right now.

4) HIDDEN BAG COLLECTOR. I collect bags in different shapes and sizes but I don't like changing my bags too often. I end up losing some things in the process. If you constantly see me for a long period of time, you'll find me using one kind of bag. In college, I had that striped yellow and blue tote. Recently, I usually have my staple black leather bag or my brown BIG bag with me.

5) JUNGLE GIRL. My room is still a jungle. Yes, after the paint job I did and after moving the structures around, it's back to it's messy self. My mom usually says that I am mentally organized but being physically organized is an entirely different story. I tell myself that my room is physically organized in my own world. Seriously, I will have to do something about it SOON because my Ate Monica is now back home reviewing for the boards and we're sharing the room again.

6) THE FAMILY BOOKSNAIL and MUSICAL NOTES SNAIL. Whenever I watch Disney's Beauty and the Beast, I get so excited over the castle's library! But did you know that as a kid, I was one of the slow readers. Uh-huh. I was left alone to read while on a vacation in Los Baños while my cousins and older sister could play games. I can't remember if I did learn reading that way but they threatened me that they won't give me my favorite kalihim from the bakery if I didn't read my storybook. I guess it somehow worked. I grew up with the Sweet Valley Kids/Twins, the Unicorns, Nancy Drew, Charlotte's Web, Hariet the Spy, Make Your Own Adventure, Fear Street, and Enid Blyton's stories! When it comes to musical notes, I use colors to read the notes (do-orange, re-red, mi-yellow, fa-pink, sol-blue, si-brown).

Meanwhile, my older sister, Ate Monica, is the crazy genius/speedy-gonzales of reading although she'd never admit it. She used to read books when kids her age still haven't and she could read all the musical notes really fast even without much practice. She was amazing in everything that had to do with reading! When we were kids, all I could teach her was "right" and "left" because that's what I knew best! Now, Ate Monica has a whole array of medical knowledge, which I only partly understand because of House MD, Grey's Anatomy, and Scrubs. Hmm, the only thing I could teach her right now is fire dancing!

Note: I don't usually compare and I don't encourage comparisons between or among siblings. I'm just making fun of ourselves here!

7) AMBIDEXTROUS OBSERVER. As a kid, I wrote on the blackboard using my left hand and wrote on my notebook using my right. I remember saying this observation aloud to nobody in particular and wondering how and why I did that. Years later, I took Psychology. People in psychology are curious people who want answers to their own questions but in the end, we only find more questions. ;) In terms of being ambidextrous, I now write only with my right hand. My left usually does the hand gestures as I speak.

We all have different quirks and I'm sure I still have a lot aside from the ones above. These are just some of the things that popped in my head while I was writing. It's now obvious what makes me preoccupied these days. ;) Back to my overtime!

HAVE A GREAT SUNDAY, EVERYONE!

I'm tagging these people:
DORAY
JASMINE
NIKKI

the truth about daddy

I just came home from a wake. My 5-year-old student's daddy passed away yesterday. I feel guilty for complaining about different things in my life while here comes a 5-year-old who will have to cope with something that I, myself, am not ready for at the age of 24.

At the age of five, he would already have a major turning point in life. I am certain that it would someday make him a stronger person. But tonight and for the coming days, we can never take away the fact that HE IS A CHILD. He will grieve. He will ask questions. He will miss and look for his daddy. He will feel intense emotions that he probably has never felt before. And he will have to cope with all that.

While I was online earlier this morning, I looked for articles on helping kids deal with death. I read one about how to help a child cope with his grandfather's death. One of the tips provided was to let the child spend more time with his dad (as he is the one closest to the image of the grandfather). Another tip was to make the child understand the life cycle -- aging and death being natural parts of life. These things are of course easier said than done.

How do you exactly tell a child that it's his daddy who's no longer coming back? How do you answer all his questions? The only answer is the TRUTH. One of the greatest things about the truth is that it's consistent without even trying. It's always easier to cope with things that are consistent rather than with invented events that change every time.

They didn't tell him yet that his daddy passed away. Not today. Not on Father's Day. He wrote on a yellow art paper "Happy Father's Day. I love you" and drew a robot on a separate sheet for daddy. These things, he did beyond the assigned Father's Day activity I gave him in class. His artworks were placed on the coffin but he still hasn't seen them there.

We'll take it from here, one day at a time.

Araw ng Kalayaan sa may Katipunan

We spent the holiday doing a shoot in one of my second homes. ;)

I love the fact that I look slightly different in each one of them. I owe this to Carmie Locsin, the makeup artist and hair stylist for this shoot. In a few weeks time, she'll be leaving to study make-up further. And the entire Philippines should really wait for this charm farm to bloom in the year 2008. ;)

And of course, these photos look fantastic because of Darwin Andres and Sarie Santiago. They have the eyes, the talent, and the equipment for this. :)

All I did was tell them that I'd love to have an outdoor shoot.

The first set was bridal. The second was ethereal. And the third was avant garde. We did this for the artists' own portfolios. Although I still don't have the complete final sets with me at the moment, I would like to share with you the ones that I already have.

I'm more than happy with the team I worked with. I am grateful.
Thank you guys for making me look and feel beautiful in these photos (which by the way, I swear look 100x prettier than my normal everyday self). :)

Photos by Darwin Andres and Sarie Santiago.
Hair and makeup by Carmie Locsin.


Kasal-kasalan



Diwata




Malaya (behind the scenes)



Old Bellarmine

There's no such thing as free lunch.

Last night, I received a text message from our streetdance teacher. Apparently, the management of the gym studio where we dance saw our routine the other night and liked how we were all dancing in class. We were then invited to do the opening dance number for their kids' summer dance recital this morning. In exchange for the performance, we were offered free lunch by the gym management.

I automatically texted our instructor yes because 1) I was free and was planning to go the gym anyway and 2) I wanted to dance. The free lunch was only a bonus for me. I even asked him if I could just go home after the dance and not join the lunch anymore because I actually like eating at home ever since our new cook arrived. But he insisted that I should have lunch with them as it was the TF (talent fee) for that performance.

I agreed.

I went on as planned and met up with our instructor and the rest of my classmates. And without further practice, we performed in front of all the parents and kids. As much as I would like to say that we rocked the house with our dance performance, we did not.

We actually stopped in the middle of the dance, as if frozen in time, not doing anything aside from looking at each other with questioning looks. "What's next?" That was a big no-no in any kind of performance. We had the music cut in the middle and our dance instructor explained over the microphone why we were not in our usual performance level. In other words, we lacked practice. Luckily, the audience just laughed it off.

Then we started from the top again and this time, finished the entire song. It was pretty ok but it was far from spectacular. We received polite applause and smiles from all those who watched. It was a no-pressure event. Thank God.

After performing, we watched the rest of the kids and teenagers dance on stage.

One of my dance classmates said, "The kids' lunch is much better than ours."
Gullible me thought he took a peek at the buffet table or something.
I replied, "Why? what's their food?"
He said, "No, their performance deserves better lunch."
I laughed.

When we were about to eat, our group's free lunch turned out to be a carrot cake and Gatorade.
Maybe our performance was not worthy of a free lunch. Our performance was worth a carrot cake each.

But our dance instructor was the one who felt responsible for us and decided that he'd treat all of us to lunch then we'd simply have our free carrot cake as dessert. How sweet. So he asked for the carrot cake to be served later on.

We ordered lunch c/o our instructor and ate healthily. Everything went on smoothly and we were all having fun chatting about healthy lifestyles when our instructor asked for the carrot cakes to be brought out. I saw his face change as the waitress came out with the tray.

The carrot cake turned out to be half a carrot muffin for each of us.

That's it. Our performance was not even worth an entire piece of carrot cake. It was worth a bottle of Gatorade and half a carrot muffin which our instructor computed all together as P65 each.

As they say, there is no such thing as free lunch. We all have to earn it.

And today, we had to dance for it. Because our dance was not at par with expectations, I think our free lunch got demoted to free refreshments.

P.S.
Special thanks to our instructor, Kenneth Bernardo, who took all of us under his wings and fed us lunch with his own money.

I'mmmmm.... I'm Blogging Away

A pinch and a punch on the first day of the month. One of my seatmates back in gradeschool used to chant that while actually pinching and punching me. It was the perfect excuse to pinch and punch someone. In that case, the perfect excuse to pinch and punch me. Whatever reason she had, I did not and still do not know.

Anyway, I pinched and punched her back.

I could have just laughed it off but I did not. It was a light pinch and punch so I gave her a light pinch and punch as well. I guess it's because I rarely back down on anything. Be it a completely childish pinching and punching session or an important point that I have to send across, I keep my stand if I know I am right. Sometimes even if it's a totally unimportant point, I still keep my stand. Maybe that's also why I end up having a banter with some people... nuninuuuuu. You know who you are. ;)

But when I do make mistakes or when I realize in retrospect that I actually made mistakes, I apologize. I try to be fair most of the time. I am very nice and warm to most people. But I've learned to fight back when there's something terribly wrong. Or even fight back playfully when needed. ;)

NEW MONTH, NEW RULE
On this first day of June, I am changing the rules in my blog. Whether my blue jars below have something in them or not, I'm writing down something whenever I think of something to write. And just for today, I will not edit. I will NOT EDIT. Again, I will not edit. I just want to tyyyyype awaaaaaaay. Let loose before this Jungle June swallows me again.

I restrain myself from writing everyday in my blog because I think the internet is filled with nonsense as it is. But sometimes we find sense in nonsense. Or sometimes we have to go through nonsense until we find perfect sense. So really, is anything completely nonsense then? Maybe not. I think this will eventually make sense. And maybe some of the nonsense I consider in the internet is sensible to some. Nothing is completely nonsensical then. Well, except maybe killings and stuff.

Here I am, writing for writing's sake. I LOVE IT and please do let me. I grew up writing my thoughts, my feelings, and all my observations almost everyday. And now that I started with blogging, I've written less and less. I find that sad. People can read and judge you right away with what you write. Maybe that's why I write less. BUT that's about to change.

As one of my favorite people in the world told me, if you truly want to do something, make time for it. And that's what I'm doing now. I'm writing for myself today. Period.

My everyday writings in the past were the silliest actually. My high school journals contained all my analyses about boys and beauty. Remember how I grew up dark and receiving a comment from my ex-crush that I was "pretty but too dark". For an adolescent, that was way harsh. My summers were spent in Summer Enrichment Program classes in Ateneo and every time I would come home, I'd write about my crushes that day. I came from an all-girls Catholic school so I was just "boy crazy" in this quiet and funny way in high school. If I knew then all the things I know now, I would have not attended SEP and just enjoyed my summer breaks in far-away places!

I grew up reading beauty magazines. My Physics teacher even commented that I read too many magazines because one of my projects really did look like it came out from a magazine. Imagine, I made a short magazine-like quiz in relation to Physics ;-P

My Grade 3 diary is a grammar teacher's nightmare and my funniest journal ever. If I were to correct all the grammar and spelling errors there, it would be one bloody notebook.

In the house, we mostly speak in Tagalog and occasionally in English. But as a kid, I would write in complete English. Whether I had the right grammar or not, atleast the thoughts and ideas were there. It could be based on my reality. I had an entry on the day my lola had appendicitis and had to be brought to the hospital. It could be based on fantasy and dreams. I had an entry about a nightmare I had back when I was seven. Even then, I always dreamt. Every night, I dreamt. Each morning, I remembered.

I guess this is why remember so many things, even the most trivial, especially the most trivial. I write them down. And since I've written them, I make these things somewhat immortalized. Of course, these things will always be based on my interpretations. But who else will interpret them but me?

Memories are all re-constructed.
If noone re-constructs them, they will be gone forever.

This is the main purpose of my blog. I'm re-constructing my memories. I'm writing my story. From the present to the past and back. And I'm sharing them with you.

And you, yes you, you are always part of it. You and I, we make the stories.