Soul Mix-er Lala

Take a peek and get to see another side of me. A little something that I do monthly...

This is a job I enjoy doing with Jesuit Communications. Not everyone gets to watch our show because it airs on Sunday mornings at 6am in ABC5 when a lot of people are still asleep or are just about to fall asleep from their busy Saturday nights. ;)

With 5 VJs on rotation, it's hard to catch your own episode so I was really pleasantly surprised to see a link in my inbox from Bro. Ody (Thank you, Bro. O!!)

The Power of Conversation

A few hours ago, I was writing with a hint of sadness. Let's just say I saw the kind of life that I'd be living starting June. And June is a week away.

Since my sisters will all be out of the house by then and with my brother getting married soon, I'd be living the life of an only child. Coming from a big family like mine, I'm used to coming home with lots of people to converse and laugh with. Seriously. And we'd usually have one or two friends over like adopted sisters as if we're not that plenty enough ;)

But after having dinner with my dad and talking about plans, I felt a little better.

After dinner, I didn't feel the sadness anymore as I heard parts of the news on television. Maybe I really like to hear words in the background. Words calm me when I feel agitated. Or maybe it's because I knew a family member was also home with me and I wasn't alone anymore.

And then I talked to Franco over the phone and I told him about all these. He was so practical and grounded in reminding me about this fact of life -- Children grow up and they move out, which of course I know by heart as a Developmental Psychologist. He just made it sound so simple and factual as compared to my feely-touchy-emo moment. I think his approach worked.

Because right now, I've accepted the fact that I'm in Transition. I know we always are and we just don't notice those small increments of change... But this particular kind of Transition is just so eminent that I can't ignore it.

With my family members being far away at the moment, I think I'm being trained how to live life physically away from them. There will come a point that I'd have to be far away after twenty plus years of constantly being with them. But I guess after my conversation with Franco, I just feel thankful that I found a person who I'm willing to do that for.

After more than five years of being together, Franco and I can still be like high school kids yapping over the phone for hours almost everyday. Actually around 30 minutes on the average. Tonight I think we reached an hour of real conversation. We've been pushing each other farther than where we are right now. We're from two very different fields and I like it that way because I'm a person who needs variation. Let's just say I'm learning a lot about businesses, the corporate world, and well, the rest of the world. And he's learning about all these hobbies I try, travels I plan, and living life with passion. I also like the fact that because of him, I'm being challenged about the things that I could do. Stretch things out even more because we all of us can do so much more. And I like the idea of being able to support another person for the dreams he's pursuing and seeing his big dreams come into fruition.

Prior to this, one of David Cook's songs has been playing in my head and I just realized now how apt it is. (I'm inserting David Cook here as I have not yet blogged about him when in fact he played a role for me this summer. I watched AI weekly and the finale was the culmination of my summer. Even the rains increased after the finale. I've been Cook's silent fan, getting myself ready to watch his future concerts and ready to download all his songs after the competition. I didn't care about Simon's comment about "Archuleta's knockout" because for me, David Cook was the one. Apparently, everyone else thought the same thing. Bravo, Cook! The only downside is that his future concert will probably be even more expensive.)

Anyway, I'm quoting David Cook's second song in the season finale: "Cause if you don't DREAM BIG, what's the use of dreaming?"

Franco and I are both dreaming big. He's dreaming bigger. I'm dreaming wider. I think that's a good combo. He has been focused for the past months, something I've been really proud of. And last Friday, he reached his first goal and I'd say BRAVO to that! He's now taking the next step to his big dream. And that simply inspires me to go on my with my own steps.

I've said goodbye to friends so many times each time they leave the country to live on foreign land or to study further. With the high level of empathy innately programmed in my body, I think I've imagined enough how it is for each of them to leave family, friends, loved ones, or simply old comfortable ways behind. Their strength comes from the excitement, the adventure, new people, new friends, and new loves.

Despite all the empathy I mustered during those times, I still couldn't really know how that exactly feels because I haven't really left home for more than two weeks. For 25 years, I haven't even changed residence ever. Not even once except when our house was renovated and we moved to my lola's house for a few months, which was a block away from our place, so I don't really consider that. What more to leave all the familiar people, places, structure, and culture that have been part of who I've become?

But there's proper time for all that moving. I have several years to prepare for my turn and just like when I started this blog, I'll be embracing that experience when the time comes. Before then, it's back to my goals here. They're clearer and better lined up. They're steps to reach the bigger dream. And then come home again.

See how powerful one good conversation could be?
It can move you. Sometimes, literally.

Stillness

Now I know why I always opt to stay with people. At home, I am surrounded with sisters or any family member or when they're all out, I make sure that I go to the kitchen just to talk to Leony. I think I have the incessant need to either talk or listen to someone. And I just recognized it now after spending an entire day in front of my laptop, talking to noone, listening to nothing else but my thoughts.

And then my right eye started twitching. That was a sign and I had to take a break.
I rested my eye for a little more than an hour and then now I'm back again to typing.

I have to write something positive for the moment to make me feel out of this rut. I feel like standing still in between here and there. So I'm like "and".

For one, I'm thankful that I'm dry here inside the comforts of home. Two, I get free lunches. Real free lunches. And three, I'm given a little more time to accomplish the things that I have to accomplish. Life is good. Although my sisters are out on a vacation, asking me to join them, I was able to say no. How hard it was to do so but I guess my No will be worth a dozen of workload.

As I wrote to my best friend the other day, I'd have to produce tangible soon. How funny that someone whose thesis topic is on "process" is now so keen on finding end results.

Two Marshmallows, Please?

One of the famous experiments in Psychology involves testing EQ levels of children by leaving them alone in a room with one piece of marshmallow. If they eat the marshmallow, they get that single treat. If they don't touch it at all, they get two when the researcher returns.

I want two marshmallows.

Life is short but if I could spend a little bit more time striving for two marshmallows instead of gobbling up one, wouldn't that be a better choice? And especially so when it's time to get my extra marshmallow.

My youngest sister isn't a big fan of marshmallows so they changed the example to Oreo cookies. The same principle applied. The result? She decided to enter Medical school.

As for me, you all know med school is not in my list. I'll have three sisters turning into Doctors. Actually one of them already is. Each of them will always have a sister who lives a life of an artist. Me. :)

Oh, and that artist still wants her two marshmallows so she has to work very hard for the next coming months.

As I said, two marshmallows, please?

Unnatural Task

It’s so difficult to write when you’re writing something that just feels unnatural. Blogging feels natural. Writing articles feels near natural. Thesis writing is excruciatingly difficult to do because it entails analysis of past researches, journal articles, and other scholarly works written with words that you don’t usually encounter in real life. And of course there’s that attempt to make your thesis sound yours and personal. And you’d have to keep on paraphrasing everything you’ve read as if reading all of them is not enough work already.

Sometimes I find myself having difficulties because I just can’t seem to put the thoughts into my own words because the writers used the most exact terms I could think of. And changing them would mean being less exact than what they mean.

I wish I could write fiction so I don’t need to read a gazillion books before I finish two pages of worthwhile thoughts.

Looking at my now 43 pages of thesis proposal (it has .5 spacing so that’s roughly 30 pages of single spaced work filled with contemplation), I think I’ve done a pretty good job. But a pretty good job is not enough. It has to be excellent. Somehow, my work still feels a bit raw.

What makes master’s thesis more difficult is you have to do it alone. You have to do it without groupmates whom you know have certain strengths to contribute. I can’t even ask my siblings or my mom or Franco to take a peek at my work because they simply have too many other things to do. My adviser and I are the only ones who have taken a look at my work. And her inputs have been great but I still feel I need someone outside Psych to read my work.

This is one of those many days. I just need a little more push. Time is not the problem. It’s not the time. It’s my time management. I know I’ve been dilly-dallying because I’m a bit scared. Ok because I’m really actually scared. I’ve been posting photos and writing blogs just to take my mind away from this. But now, I’d have to FACE it. It’s May and time is ticking again.

I have to propose by the end of this month. Pray for me. You guys enjoy the summer sun. I’ll be in my bedroom typing away while my papers and books just piled up on the floor, on the table, and on my bed.

When I finish my thesis proposal, I will be celebrating with all of you.

I’ve tried my best keep it mum about my emotions about this task but I guess I just opened myself up now. It has been a year of bottling up and ignoring what I have to do.

Oh my. If I could write my thesis as fast as I could write this entry, then I would have finished it a long time ago.

But that’s why they call it a master’s degree. You don’t earn one by taking an easy-peasy path...

I can do this.
I am doing this.
And finishing it too.